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《我并不失望只是生气又名已知宇宙中最重的沙发》

A stoner kid and his best friend attempt to move a sofa across town during an alien invasion… 一个抽大麻的少年和他的最好朋友试图在一场外星入侵期间将沙发搬过城市……

BY DARYL GREGORY | PUBLISHED ON NOVEMBER 20, 2024

Let’s skip the prologue for now and get right to the invasion, which all started for Tindal with the tragedy of the Tim Hortons cookie. 我们先跳过序章，直接进入入侵事件，而这一切对廷达尔来说，都是从 Tim Hortons 饼干的不幸悲剧开始的。

Tindal was sitting on the floor of his dark, cozy bedroom, jamming to Paul Anka’s swinging cover of “Wonderwall,” and about to tuck into his breakfast—a sexy, red velvet cookie with cream cheese filling, only slightly crusty from spending the night lost in his bed linens—when the bedroom door was yanked open. Unfortunately, he was leaning against the door at the time. He fell into the sunlit living room, and the cookie, seizing its moment to escape, flew from his hand, bounced once, and vanished into the general chaos of the apartment. 廷达尔正坐在他昏暗、舒适的卧室地板上，哼唱着保罗·安卡摇摆的《Wonderwall》翻唱版，准备享用早餐——一块性感的红丝绒饼干，夹着奶油芝士馅料，因为整晚都睡在床单里，外皮只略微有些干硬——这时卧室门被猛地拉开。不幸的是，他当时正靠着门。他摔进了阳光明媚的客厅，而那块饼干抓住机会逃脱，从他手中飞出，弹了一下，消失在公寓的混乱之中。

He would never see that cookie again. 他永远也吃不到那块饼干了。

A wail escaped him. Then he squinted upward at the imperious figure looming over him—the being that had so rudely hoicked open his door. He tilted his head to take in the perimeter of the silhouette. “Aunty Mads?” 他发出一声哀嚎。接着他眯起眼睛向上望，那个高傲的身影正笼罩着他——正是那个粗鲁地踹开他门的人。他歪着头打量着那轮廓的边缘。“是 Mads 阿姨吗？”

It had been more than a year since he’d seen her. She looked the same—the Nordic pop star cheekbones, the black hair streaked with gray, those eyes that could grab you and just as suddenly let you go like you were a firefly. He scrambled to his feet. “How did you find me?” No, that came out wrong. He put his guilty feelings aside for a moment and hugged her. “I mean, what are you doing here?” 自上次见面已过去一年多了。她看起来还是老样子——北欧流行歌手的颧骨，夹杂着灰发的黑发，还有那双能抓住你又能像放萤火虫一样突然放开你的眼睛。他挣扎着站起来。“你怎么找到我的？”不，这话问得不对。他暂时把内疚感放在一边，抱了抱她。“我是说，你到这里来做什么？”

She returned the hug, and then leaned down, lovingly cradled his face in her hands—and plucked the earbuds from his ears. 她也回抱了他，然后俯下身，温柔地用手托住他的脸——并把他耳朵上的耳塞拔了下来。

“You’re shouting,” she said in that unplaceable accent of hers. “Do you know what’s going on outside?” “你在喊叫，”她说着她那无法辨认的口音。“你知道外面发生了什么吗？”

He wanted to say yes. But now that he thought about it, there had been more than the usual amount of brouhaha in the apartment, and a continuous warbling of sirens in the distance, and the roar of large roaring things. The floors and walls had been vibrating intermittently as if the building had been rezoned as a subwoofer. He’d nearly been tempted to turn off his earbuds. 他想说是的。但转念一想，公寓里比平时多了不少喧嚣，远处持续不断的警笛声，还有那些巨大生物的咆哮声。地板和墙壁都在间歇性地震动，仿佛整栋楼都被改造成了低音喇叭。他几乎想摘下他的耳塞。

“I’ve been in my room all morning.” “我一上午都在我的房间里。”

“That’s not a room, kiddo, that’s a coat closet.” “那不是房间，孩子，那是个大衣柜。”

“Former coat closet. Now it’s—” “原来的衣帽间。现在它——”

She raised an eyebrow. 她扬了扬眉毛。

“…my closet?” “…是我的衣帽间？”

“I’ve been trying to call you for an hour.” She surveyed the array of couches and cots, the assortment of battered furniture and cockeyed lamps, the power strips asprout with cables, snowmanesque piles of garbage bags stuffed with clothes, and the many, many candles, mostly unlit. “Oh my dear, I should have come to set eyes on you well before this. How many people live here?” “我试了一个小时都想给你打电话。”她环顾着成排的沙发和睡袋，各式破旧的家具和歪斜的灯，像嫩芽般滋生的电源线，雪人般的垃圾袋塞满了衣服，还有许多、许多的蜡烛，大多没点着。“我亲爱的，我本该更早来看见你。这里住着多少人？”

“On average?” “平均而言？”

What was odd was that none of the dozen or so roommates or their hangers-on, couch-surfers, and auxiliary sex partners were present at the moment. “Where is everybody?” 奇怪的是，那十几个室友或他们的依附者、沙发客和辅助性伴侣都不在场。“大家都在哪儿呢？”

“They probably evacuated,” she said. “Or found a shelter.” “他们可能已经疏散了，”她说。“或者找到了避难所。”

“Are we being evicted?” “我们要被驱逐了吗？”

Thunder rattled the windows. A blown-glass bong tumbled off a shelf, onto another bong, and both shattered. Sirens wailed in the distance. 雷声震得窗户嗡嗡作响。一个玻璃吹制的烟壶从架子上滚落，摔在另一个烟壶上，两个都碎了。远处传来警笛声。

“Time to move,” she said. “Also, you’re going to need pants.” “该走了，”她说。“而且，你还需要裤子。”

He was wearing only his tighty-not-so-whities, in stark contrast to Aunty Mads, who looked, per usual, ineffably cool, even though each article of clothing could have been grabbed from a Goodwill rack. Today’s look might be called Parisian Lumberjack Gone Clam Digging: flannel shirt tied at the waist, dungarees rolled to her shins, ballet flats, chunky necklace. 他只穿着一条紧得不像话的内裤，与阿姨·麦德的风格形成了鲜明对比——她一如既往地酷毙了，尽管她身上的每一件衣服看起来都像是从慈善商店的货架上捡来的。今天的造型或许可以被称为巴黎伐木工去挖蛤蜊：系腰的法兰绒衬衫，卷到脚踝的工装裤，芭蕾平底鞋，还有一条粗大的项链。

Tindal scrabbled around his 1 × 3 meter bedroom, finding and wriggling into clothes. “Where are we going, exactly?” 廷达尔在他 1 乘 3 米的卧室里翻找着，找到了衣服并钻了进去。“我们到底要去哪里？”

“My house. I need your muscle.” “我家。我需要你的力气。”

“Ha!” “哈！”

“Okay, your energy and Morris’s muscles.” “好吧，你的能量和莫里斯的肌肉。”

Morris! Nobody except Aunty Mads called El Capitan by his given name. 莫里斯！除了玛德阿姨，没人会叫埃尔卡皮坦本名。

“I already called him and he’s waiting for us,” she said. “I’d been under the impression you two were living together.” “我已经给他打电话了，他正在等我们，”她说。“我还以为你们两个住在一起呢。”

“We were, but El Cap’s got a poly thing going right now,” Tindal explained. “I was kind of a, not third wheel, exactly—fifth? Sixth? So I got my new place here and—wait, what’s this muscular activity?” “我们本来是，但 El Cap 现在有段不谈恋爱的关系，”Tindal 解释道。“我算是，不算第三者，大概——第五个？第六个？所以我在这里有了新住处，等等，这是什么肌肉活动？”

“You two are going to move a couch across town.” “你们俩要搬一张沙发过城。”

He poked his head out the door. “A couch? Not Mr. Nappy?!” At her wince he said, “You can’t sell him! I’ll take him.” 他把头探出门口。“沙发？不是奈普先生？！”看到她的皱眉，他说：“你不能卖掉他！我来接他。”

“I’m afraid you don’t have the room, kiddo.” “我担心你地方不够，孩子。”

True, but…maybe he could find a new room? He loved that couch. Growing up he’d spent many afternoons, and not a few nights, stretched out on its comfy bulk. 确实，但是……也许他能找到新地方？他很喜欢那张沙发。小时候，他曾在那舒适的体积上度过许多午后，也不少夜晚，舒展开来。

“Mr. Nappy is moving to a new home upstate,” Aunty Mads said. “Extremely upstate.” “纳皮先生要搬到州外的新家，”玛德阿姨说。“非常非常远的州外。”

“Well, at least you’re not throwing him out.” “好吧，至少你没把他赶出去。”

He tied up his hair and emerged, more or less decent. Aunty Mads stood by the door, impatient, but Tindal looked around worriedly, feeling as if he were leaving something behind. Oh! The candles. He danced around the room, blowing them out. 他扎起头发走出来，还算体面。玛德阿姨在门口站着，有些不耐烦，但丁达尔环顾四周，忧心忡忡，好像要落下什么东西。哦！蜡烛。他在房间里跳来跳去，把它们吹灭。

“Can’t be too careful,” he explained. Some of his roommates only owned what they could carry. One more apartment fire they’d be ruined. “必须小心谨慎，”他解释道。他的一些室友只拥有能携带的东西。再发生一次公寓火灾，他们就会破产。

“You’re sweet,” Aunty Mads said. “But we need to go.” “你真贴心，”玛德阿姨说。“但我们得走了。”

He followed her down the three flights of stairs to the front steps of the building. The sirens were louder, and a line of cars jammed the street. She set off down the sidewalk at a swift march, toward El Capitan’s apartment. A pair of military jets raked the rooftops and zoomed out of sight. 他跟着她走下三段楼梯，来到大楼的前台阶。警笛声更大了，街道上排着长龙般的车辆堵塞了交通。她快步走向埃尔卡皮坦的公寓，走在人行道上。一对军用喷气机掠过屋顶，然后消失在视线之外。

Though it was embarrassing, he decided that he simply had to ask: “What’s going on, exactly?” 虽然很尴尬，但他决定还是得问：“到底发生了什么事？”

“Behind you,” Aunty Mads said. “在你后面，”玛德阿姨说。

He looked back, then up. Hovering above the Toronto skyline, a few miles away, a gargantuan shape swallowed half the sky. The lumpy gray slab bristled with long needles, as if scores of giant porcupines had become stuck in cement. 他回头抬头望去。在几英里外的多伦多天际线上空，一个巨大的形状吞噬了半边天空。那块笨重的灰色平板上长满了长刺，仿佛成百上千只大刺猬卡在了水泥里。

The two military jets were heading straight at it—until they exploded. Then, suddenly, they became a thousand pieces of metal going many directions at once. 两架军用飞机径直朝它飞去——直到它们爆炸了。然后，它们突然变成了成千上万片金属，向四面八方飞散。

“Holy Fuckowski!” Tindal shouted. “见鬼！”廷达尔喊道。

“Keep moving.” “继续前进。”

“Is that a spaceship?” Tindal asked. “那是一艘宇宙飞船吗？”Tindal 问道。

A column of glittery light appeared below the ship (for that’s what it had to be) and enveloped a skyscraper. The light shimmered like crushed disco balls, partially and prettily obscuring the building. Were the aliens going to blow it up? Levitate it into their ship? Then the light clicked off and the vasty bulk drifted onward. 一束闪亮的光柱出现在飞船下方（那无疑就是了），将一座摩天大楼笼罩其中。光线闪烁如破碎的迪斯科球，部分地、漂亮地遮挡了建筑物。外星人是要把它炸毁吗？还是把它浮到他们的飞船里去？然后光线熄灭了，庞大的身躯继续漂移前行。

“Huh,” Tindal said. “What’s it doing?” Aunty Mads didn’t answer; she’d marched on. He scrambled to catch up. “Are you sure you want to move Mr. Nappy during this, uh, alien invasion?” “嗯，”Tindal 说。“它在做什么？”Mads 阿姨没有回答；她已经继续往前走了。他赶紧追了上去。“你确定要在这次，呃，外星入侵期间移动 Nappy 先生吗？”

“Pfft. It’s one spaceship—that’s hardly an invasion.” “噗。只是一艘宇宙飞船——这根本算不上入侵。”

Which was a very Aunty Mads point to make. When Tindal was growing up, she was one of those neighborhood characters that kids feared, old people scowled at, and everyone thought was a witch. She painted her rambling house in multiple clashing colors, refused to mow her lawn, cooked food that smelled like hot mulch, and blasted “music” that made cats nervous. Also she did things that were legit insane, like commanding heavily armed gangbangers to get off her lawn—and then they’d do it. Basically, she put out Big Wiccan Energy twenty-four-seven. 这确实是玛德阿姨非常中肯的一点。当廷达尔长大的时候，她是那种让孩子们害怕、老人皱眉、人人都觉得是巫婆的邻居住民。她把那座破旧的房子漆成了多种冲突的颜色，拒绝修剪草坪，做的食物像热木屑一样散发着气味，播放的“音乐”让猫都感到紧张。她还做些真正疯狂的事，比如命令那些武装到牙齿的帮派分子离开她的草坪——而他们真的就离开了。基本上，她全天候散发着强大的女巫能量。

Tindal had been just as afraid of her as the kids from school, but when he was eight years old she stopped one of his mom’s boyfriends from beating the shit out of him—she did something to the guy’s ear that dropped him to his knees, which was amazing—and from that point on, whenever things got bad at his mom’s place (which was pretty often), he’d run down to Aunty Mads’s house and she’d feed him hot dogs and Shreddies and Capitaine Crounche, food that she kept on hand, he later realized, only for him. She let him chase the robot vacuum around, and at bedtime would tuck him into Mr. Nappy, her giant orange couch, and tell him bedtime stories. 廷达尔和学校里的孩子们一样害怕她，但在他八岁的时候，她阻止了妈妈的一个男友要揍他——她用某种方式弄伤了那个男的耳朵，让他跪倒在地，这太神奇了——从那以后，每当妈妈家出事（这很频繁），他都会跑到玛德阿姨家，她会给他吃热狗、碎粒麦片和卡比尼·克朗奇，后来他才发现，这些她一直囤积的食物，其实都是为他准备的。她让他追着机器人吸尘器跑，睡觉时把他塞进她那巨大的橙色沙发“尿布先生”里，给他讲睡前故事。

The fact that he hadn’t seen her lately was entirely his fault. She’d texted him and left voicemails, often just checking in but sometimes inviting him to dinner. But he put off replying because certain aspects of his life had become embarrassing. He told himself he’d call her as soon as he’d “straightened some things out,” but the number of things requiring straightening only grew like the contents of Uri Geller’s spoon drawer. 他最近没见到她，完全是他的错。她给他发过短信，也留过语音信息，有时只是问候，有时邀请他吃饭。但他一直拖延回复，因为他的生活中某些方面变得令人尴尬。他告诉自己，等他“处理好一些事情”就会给她打电话，但需要处理的事情越来越多，就像 Uri Geller 的勺子抽屉里的东西一样不断增长。

A few more explosions sounded in the distance, hidden by rooftops. The disco spotlight came on a couple more times as well. Tindal was starting to panic but there was nothing to do but keep up with Aunty Mads. 远处又响起了几声爆炸，被屋顶遮挡着。迪斯科聚光灯也亮了几次。廷达尔开始恐慌起来，但除了继续跟着玛德阿姨，别无他法。

El Capitan—El Cap, El C the DJ (available for parties), Morris—was waiting for them on the street, beefy and huge, like a grizzly who’d gotten up on its hind legs and was calmly optimistic about nabbing a high-flying salmon. 埃尔卡皮坦——埃尔卡普，埃尔 C DJ（可以参加派对），莫里斯——在街上等他们，身材魁梧，像一只站起来抓飞鱼的大灰熊，沉着乐观。

“Looking good, Aunty Mads!” El Cap said. They exchanged cheek kisses like a couple of Québécois. She was nearly as tall as he was. “看起来真精神，玛德阿姨！”埃尔卡普说。他们像魁北克情侣一样交换了脸颊之吻。她几乎和他一样高。

El Cap told them that the rest of his polycule—two girlfriends, one boyfriend, and an English bulldog—had decided to evacuate the city. They’d headed north on the DVP, though their texts reported that traffic was nearly at a standstill. 埃尔卡普告诉他们，他其他的“多伴侣”成员——两个女朋友，一个男朋友，还有一只英国斗牛犬——决定撤离这座城市。他们沿着 DVP 向北行驶，尽管他们的短信报告说交通几乎瘫痪。

“And you stayed to help me out,” Aunty Mads said. “That’s brave and kind.” “而你留下来帮我，”玛德阿姨说。“这既勇敢又善良。”

“I’m sure it’ll all blow over,” El Cap said. He thought everything blew over, and he was usually right. He’d been Tindal’s best friend since grade nine, and was really the best possible person to call when, say, two teenagers broke into your house and ate a wall-full of drugs—but that was another story. “我肯定一切都会过去的，”埃尔卡普说。他确信一切都会过去，而且他通常都是对的。从九年级起，他就一直是廷达尔的最好朋友，当，比如说，两个青少年闯进你家，吃掉一整面墙的毒品时——但那又是另一个故事了。

El Cap led them down the alley to a narrow garage. “For all your transportation and moving needs,” he said, raising the door with a flourish, “consider the Flea Bus!” 埃尔卡普带他们穿过小巷，来到一个狭窄的车库。“为了满足您所有的运输和搬家需求，”他优雅地推开大门，“请考虑一下跳蚤巴士！”

Ah, the Flea Bus. She was a rusty, powder-blue, 1963 International Metro, bulbous and blunt-faced, sporting a fancy art deco grille that gave her the air of a duchess fallen on hard times. She’d started life as some kind of delivery truck, but the faded logo and cartoon dog painted on her side marked her last professional job, serving as a mobile pet grooming service. 啊，跳蚤巴士。她是一辆锈迹斑斑、浅蓝色的 1963 年国际都城车，体型圆润、前脸方正，配着一件华丽的装饰艺术风格格栅，看起来像是一位陷入困境的公爵夫人。她最初是一辆某种类型的送货卡车，但侧面褪色的标志和卡通狗图案表明她最后一次专业工作，是作为移动宠物美容服务。

“Don’t worry about your couch,” El Cap said to Aunty Mads. “All fleas have fled.” “别担心你的沙发，”埃尔卡普对玛德阿姨说，“所有的跳蚤都逃走了。”

“Died of old age, I imagine.” She took shotgun, and Tindal duck-walked into the cargo area, which was carpeted with overlapping rugs of various vintages, and squatted on a toolbox. The Flea Bus didn’t want to start, but El Cap eventually persuaded her to come out of retirement and they lurched into the street. “我想是老死的。”她坐进了驾驶座，廷达尔摇摇摆摆地走进载货区，那里铺着重叠的、不同年代的垫子，他在一个工具箱上蹲了下来。跳蚤巴士不想启动，但埃尔卡普最终说服她退休复出，他们摇晃着驶上了街道。

A trio of helicopters whomped overhead. A second later explosions shook the air. El Cap glanced in the rearview mirror. “Not a great day to be in the Royal Canadian Air Force,” he said, the slightest worry in his voice. 三架直升机呼啸着从头顶飞过。一秒钟后，爆炸声震动着空气。埃尔·卡普瞥了一眼后视镜。“今天不是在加拿大皇家空军的日子，”他说，声音里透着一丝担忧。

“They should probably stop attacking it,” Aunty Mads said. “他们大概应该停止攻击了，”玛德阿姨说。

“But what’s up with the sparkly light?” Tindal called over the engine noise. “但那闪亮的光是怎么回事？”廷达尔在引擎的轰鸣声中喊道。

“They’re clearly looking for something,” she said. “他们显然在找某样东西，”她说。

“In Canada?” “在加拿大？”

They rumbled westward. Traffic was terrible, and cops at intersections kept trying to wave them out of the city, but twenty minutes later they’d finally made it the two kilometers to Aunty Mads’s Victorian. Tindal was pleased—no, relieved—to see that even though the house was painted in new colors, it was otherwise exactly itself. 他们向西行驶。交通状况很糟糕，十字路口的警察不停地试图让他们离开城市，但二十分钟后，他们终于到达了距离阿姨玛德维多利亚式房屋两公里的地方。廷达尔很高兴——不，是松了一口气——看到尽管房子被漆成了新的颜色，但除此之外，它还是原来的样子。

Aunty Mads directed El Cap to the backyard and had him park with the rear of the bus abutting the stoop. Then she led the boys inside, into the kitchen. The smell of the place was also exactly itself, a mingle-mangle of unnamed spices, strange citrus, and overheated electrical wiring. 阿姨玛德指引埃尔卡普到后院，让他把巴士的后部停靠在台阶旁。然后她带着男孩们走进屋内，来到厨房。这个地方的气味也和以前一样，混合着未命名的香料、奇怪的柑橘类水果和过热的电线。

Something clattered to the floor in the next room, and Tindal heard a distinctive whir. He rushed into the dining room. “Sucky!” he cried. The vacuum cleaner sat on the ground near the table, roughly the size and shape of a horseshoe crab, but even flatter, and also hovering an inch off the ground. Tindal rushed forward and the thing scooted away between the chair legs. 隔壁房间传来一阵哐当声，丁达尔听到一个独特的嗡嗡声。他冲进餐厅。“糟糕！”他喊道。吸尘器停在地毯上，靠近桌子，大小和形状像一只鲎，但更平，还悬浮在地面上方一英寸。丁达尔冲上前，那东西在椅子腿间滑走了。

Tindal laughed in delight. “Oh man, you’re the best, Sucky.” He was surprised that the machine was still running; it had to be as old as he was. Tindal 高兴地笑了。“哦，我的天，你真是个大好人，Sucky。”他对机器还能运转感到惊讶；它必须和他一样老了。

“You know, I could never figure out how that thing worked,” El Cap said. “Where are the wheels? And where does the dust go?” “你知道，我从来搞不懂那东西是怎么工作的，”El Cap 说。“轮子在哪里？灰尘又去哪里了？”

“Magnets,” Tindal said patiently. Aunty Mads had explained it to him long ago. “磁铁，”Tindal 耐心地说。Mads 阿姨很久以前就给他解释过。

“Enough bothering the help,” she said, and shooed them into the living room. “Here’s the patient in question.” “别再打扰工作人员了，”她说，把他们都赶进了客厅。“这就是我们要找的病人。”

And there he was indeed, bright orange and bulging: Mr. Nappy. The couch spanned one end of the room, its chubby arms nudging the walls. Its plush cushions wide enough for three Tindals to sleep side by side. It seemed even larger than he remembered, which was not how childhood memories were supposed to work. 果然，他就在那里，鲜橙色且鼓鼓囊囊的：尿布先生。沙发占据了一头房间，它圆滚滚的胳膊蹭着墙壁。它柔软的靠垫宽得足以让三个廷达尔并排睡觉。它看起来甚至比他记忆中还要大，而童年记忆本不该是这样。

“Just look at him,” Tindal said. “Still fabulous.” “就看他那样子，”廷达尔说。“还是那么迷人。”

The sofa, positioned to take in both a view of the room and the street outside the big picture window, glowed in the sunlight, the upholstery somehow throwing off more colors than seemed possible: harmonics of purple, gold, jade, orange. 沙发被摆放得既能看到房间内部，又能欣赏窗外大街的景色，在阳光下熠熠生辉，其面料似乎散发出比可能存在的还要更多的色彩：紫色的谐音、金色的谐音、玉色的谐音、橙色的谐音。

“Aunty Mads,” Tindal said. “Can I do the thing?” “马德阿姨，”廷达尔说。“我能做那件事吗？”

She rolled her eyes in mock exasperation. “Be quick about it.” 她假装不耐烦地翻了个白眼。“快点。”

Tindal ran toward the couch and leaped, Superman-style. “AIRBORNE!” he shouted. He came down on his face and chest and sank into those deep cushions. Tindal 向沙发跑去，以超人式的跳跃着落。“空中飞人！”他喊道。他脸朝下、胸朝下摔进那些深陷的垫子里。

It felt so good. When he was little, and Aunty Mads had finished with the bedtime stories, she’d sit on the edge of the cushions and pat his back until he fell asleep. By middle school he was tiptoeing into the house at two or three in the morning, when only Sucky was awake and hoovering about, and would crash hard on the couch, no bedtime stories or even blankets required; Mr. Nappy always seemed to be the right temperature in hottest summer or coldest winter. Tindal would fall asleep to a hum that seemed to come up through the bones of the sofa. 感觉太舒服了。他小时候，当 Mads 阿姨讲完睡前故事后，她就会坐在垫子边缘，拍着他的背直到他睡着。到了初中，他会在凌晨两三点蹑手蹑脚地溜进家里，当时只有 Sucky 醒着在到处吸尘，然后会猛地倒在沙发上，不需要睡前故事，甚至不需要毯子；Nappy 先生无论是最热的夏天还是最冷的冬天，似乎总是恰到好处的温度。Tindal 会随着从沙发骨架中传来的嗡嗡声入睡。

Tindal rolled over. “I still can’t believe you’re getting rid of him.” Tindal 翻了个身。“我还是不敢相信你要把他处理掉。”

Aunty Mads offered an apologetic smile. “All things have their path in life, kiddo.” 阿黛西·马德斯露出一个歉意的微笑。“万物皆有其轨迹，孩子。”

“But he still looks great!” “但他看起来还是那么帅！”

“What he looks is large,” El Cap said. “Are you sure we have to do this, now?” “他看起来是大了点，”埃尔·卡普说。“你确定我们现在必须这么做吗？”

“I wouldn’t ask if wasn’t important,” Aunty Mads said. “Truly.” “如果我不认为重要，就不会问，”阿黛西·马德斯说。“真的。”

El Cap seemed to work this over in his head, then nodded. “I’ll go get the dollies and move the dining table out of the way.” Aunty Mads walked out with him. 埃尔卡普似乎在脑海里过了一遍，然后点了点头。“我去拿那些手推车，把餐桌移开。”玛德阿姨跟着他走了出去。

Tindal lay on the cushions, admiring the tall bookcases full of books Aunty Mads used to read to him, the soda bottles and car parts she’d hung on the wall as if they were art. A memory came to him, from a night after an escape from his mother’s apartment. He was eight or nine or ten (his chronological memory was not great), and woke up on Mr. Nappy. He wasn’t sure what had woken him up, but then he heard Aunty Mads, talking away to someone. And then she said something like, “You want to stop being a ghost?” He shuffled into the kitchen and found her there, holding a coffee cup, feet up on the table. Nobody else was in the room. 廷达尔躺在垫子上，欣赏着那些高高的书架，上面摆满了玛德阿姨曾经给他读书的书，还有她把汽水瓶和汽车零件挂在墙上，仿佛它们是艺术品。一个记忆突然浮现在他脑海，那是他从母亲公寓逃出来后的一晚。他那时大概八岁、九岁或者十岁（他的时间记忆并不清晰），醒来时发现自己在尿布先生身上。他不知道是什么把他弄醒的，但随后他听到了玛德阿姨在和某个人说话。然后她说了一句类似的话：“你想停止做一个鬼魂吗？”他挪到厨房，发现她就在那里，手里拿着一个咖啡杯，脚踩在桌子上。房间里没有其他人。

It was an old but familiar memory, one that he used to frequently marvel over. Aunty Mads talks to ghosts! But then he grew older and discovered the wide world of psychedelics and learned that not everything his brain thought was happening was, strictly speaking, happening. She’d probably been on the phone. 那是一段既古老又熟悉的记忆，他曾经常常对此感到惊叹。玛德阿姨会和鬼魂说话！但随着他长大，发现了广阔的致幻剂世界，他意识到大脑所认为发生的事情，严格来说，未必真的发生。她当时大概是在打电话。

But to who? Thinking of it now, he was struck by how lonely Aunty Mads must have felt all these years. No friends (that he’d ever met, anyway), no family from the old country, and nobody to talk to but herself. No wonder she’d been texting him lately! Guilt washed over him. He’d blown off all those messages because he was so focused on himself and his own problems. 但向谁呢？现在回想起来，他被自己多年来表姐玛德斯一定有多么孤独所震撼。没有朋友（至少他认识的没有），没有来自旧国家的家人，也没有人可以倾诉，只能对自己说话。难怪她最近一直给他发短信！愧疚感涌上心头。他因为太专注于自己和自己的问题，已经忽略了所有那些信息。

A boom shook the walls. Tindal, buffered by Mr. Nappy, felt nothing but a slight tremor. El Cap and Aunty Mads hurried in, and Tindal sat up. “Aunty Mads, I want to apologize for not calling you back. I feel terrible and I should’ve never—” 墙壁震动了一下。在奈普先生的缓冲下，丁达尔什么感觉都没有，只感到轻微的颤动。埃尔卡普和表姐玛德斯匆忙进来，丁达尔坐了起来。“表姐玛德斯，我为没有回你电话道歉。我感到非常糟糕，我本不该——”

“Don’t worry about it, kiddo. Really.” “别担心，孩子。真的。”

El Cap handed him a wooden triangle with casters bolted on. “I’ll lift the end, and you shove this under.” The big man squatted, grabbed the frame, and managed to raise the end a dozen centimeters. “Now, please,” he said through gritted teeth. Tindal placed the dolly and then scrambled out of the way. 埃尔卡普递给他一个带轮子的木质三角形。“我来抬一头，你把这块推到下面。”那个大个子蹲下，抓起框架，设法将一头抬起了十厘米。“现在，请，”他咬着牙说。丁达尔放好手推车，然后迅速躲到一边。

“Woof,” El Cap said. “Is this a sleeper couch?” “汪，”埃尔卡普说。“这是沙发床吗？”

The light coming through the window suddenly dimmed, as if a storm cloud had rolled in. Aunty Mads went to the window. “I’m afraid we’re out of time, boys.” 透过窗户的光线突然暗淡下来，仿佛乌云滚滚而来。玛德阿姨走到窗边。“恐怕我们没时间了，孩子们。”

Spangled light filled the room, pouring straight through the roof. Disco dust! Tindal shouted something and covered his head. El Cap looked at the ceiling. The couch glowed full technicolor. And Sucky the vacuum cleaner levitated, pulled off the floor. 闪亮的灯光充满了房间，直直地从屋顶倾泻而下。是迪斯科灰尘！廷达尔喊叫着，用手遮住了头。埃尔·卡普抬头看向天花板。沙发散发着全彩的技术色彩。而吸尘器斯库伊漂浮起来，离开了地面。

Several seconds passed, during which Tindal remained in a full-body wince. Then the light snapped off. 几秒钟过去了，Tindal 仍然保持着全身的抽搐。然后灯熄灭了。

Aunty Mads turned from the window and frowned. The vacuum cleaner was still hanging in air, still glowing redly. “Sucky?” Aunty Mads said. Suddenly the machine clattered to the ground. 阿黛尔阿姨从窗户转过身，皱起了眉头。吸尘器仍然悬在空中，仍然红光满面。“吸得不好？”阿黛尔阿姨说。突然，机器哐当一声掉到了地上。

“Is the ship moving on?” Tindal asked. “飞船在移动吗？”廷达尔问道。

“Not exactly,” she said. “不完全是这样，”她说。

“So…not moving?” “所以……不动？”

“I’ll take care of this.” She leaned down and kissed Tindal on his forehead. Then she clapped El Capitan on the shoulder. “Watch out for each other. And the couch. Speaking of which, could you proceed, quickish-like?” “我来处理这个。”她俯下身，在 Tindal 的额头上亲了一下。然后她拍了拍 El Capitan 的肩膀。“互相照看。还有那张沙发。说到这个，你能快点继续吗？”

“No problem.” “没问题。”

“Where are you going?” Tindal asked. “What do you mean, take care of it?” “你要去哪里？”Tindal 问道。“你说的‘照顾它’是什么意思？”

“Quickish!” She opened the front door and strode out to the street. “快点！”她打开前门，大步走出街道。

“Little help,” El Cap said from behind him. “帮个忙，”埃尔·卡普从后面喊道。

“I don’t like this,” Tindal said. “What if she gets exploded like those choppers, or—” “我不喜欢这样，”廷达尔说。“万一她像那些直升机一样爆炸了呢，或者——”

“Little help!” El Cap, in a deep squat, was straining to hold the couch a few inches off the ground. Tindal dashed to his side and tucked a second dolly beneath it. El Cap lowered it carefully, then blew out his breath. “Damn,” he said. “帮个忙！”埃尔·卡普深蹲着，努力把沙发举离地面几英寸。廷达尔冲到他的身边，在下面又塞了一个滚轮。埃尔·卡普小心地放下沙发，然后长舒一口气。“该死，”他说。

Tindal wanted to check on Aunty Mads but El Cap was already pushing the couch forward. Tindal danced ahead and did what he could to keep the front end pointing in the right direction. They were forced to stop in the kitchen. The back door was wide, but not Mr. Nappy wide. 廷达尔想去看望玛德阿姨，但埃尔卡普已经把沙发往前推了。廷达尔赶紧上前，尽力让沙发前端朝向正确的方向。他们被迫在厨房停了下来。后门很宽，但不是奈普先生那么宽。

“We’ll have to turn it sideways,” El Cap said. “我们得把它横过来，”埃尔卡普说。

“Is that even possible?” “这真的可能吗？”

“Depends.” “取决于。”

“On what?” “在什么上面？”

“If we can turn it sideways.” “如果我们能把它横过来。”

Tindal knew there was no actual we in this. El Cap took a slow breath, lowered himself into a deep knee bend, and gripped a rear leg. Then he grunted and straightened. The end of the couch came up a few feet and the big man held it there. 廷达尔知道这里并没有真正的我们。埃尔卡普深吸一口气，蹲下身，弯曲膝盖，抓住一条后腿。然后他咕哝一声，站直了身体。沙发的一端被抬起了几英尺，那个大个子稳稳地托住了它。

But to Tindal there seemed to be no progress possible from this position—a clean and jerk would not be clean, and the jerk would be painful. 但在廷达尔看来，这个姿势似乎不可能有任何进展——这个动作不会干净利落，而且发力时会很痛苦。

“I’m behind you a hundred percent,” he said. “我百分之百支持你，”他说。

El Cap rotated his body and shuffled his hands along so that he was holding the rear of the couch with his back to the wall. Previously reticent veins made an appearance on his neck. Sweat broke out on his forehead. Tindal couldn’t remember seeing El Cap sweat before. 埃尔卡旋转了身体，把手挪动到后面，背靠着墙，用手掌托住沙发的后部。之前一直隐约的颈静脉此刻显现出来。额头上渗出了汗珠。廷达尔不记得埃尔卡以前会出汗。

“Stand back,” his friend said, then slammed one foot against the wall behind him. For a moment he was holding the couch aloft on one beefy leg and two beefy arms. Then he kicked off the wall and the front of the couch came down with a gentle, upholstered poof. “退后点，”他的朋友说，然后一脚踹在身后的墙上。有那么一瞬间，他单腿和双臂用力支撑着沙发。接着他踹离墙壁，沙发的正面轻轻落下，带着一阵柔软的布艺声响。

“Captain my captain!” Tindal said. “船长，我的船长！”廷达尔说道。

El Cap lifted his tank top, mopped his beard and face, and nodded at the bottom of the couch. “Definitely a sleeper.” 埃尔卡普把他的背心往上拉了拉，擦了擦胡须和脸，对着沙发底部点了点头。“肯定是睡觉用的。”

The bottom was a bulging metal plate, engraved with dense whorls and loops. As Tindal stared the lines seemed to move, as if on the verge of becoming a cartoon about the dangers of LSD. “It looks…” Tindal struggled to describe the feelings stirring inside him. “…European.” 底部是一块鼓起的金属板，上面刻着密集的旋涡和回纹。当丁达尔盯着看时，那些线条似乎在移动，仿佛即将变成一部关于 LSD 危险的卡通。“它看起来……”丁达尔努力描述着内心的感受，“……欧洲风格的。”

“Go run around the house and get on the other side,” El Cap said. “I’ll push from here.” “去房子里跑一圈，到另一边来，”埃尔卡普说。“我从这里推。”

Tindal blinked away the effects of the sofa and booked it through the dining room, where the front door was still wide open. He skidded to a stop. Aunty Mads stood in the street, arms at her side, looking up with a bemused expression, like Dorothy expecting a familiar twister. Something long and gray dropped from the sky and wham! bashed into the pavement. Tindal jumped, but Aunty Mads didn’t. 丁达尔眨去了沙发带来的影响，飞快地穿过餐厅，那里前门仍然大敞着。他猛地停了下来。玛德阿姨站在街上，双臂叉在腰间，带着困惑的表情抬头看，就像多萝西期待着熟悉的龙卷风。一条长长的灰色东西从天而降，砰地一声砸在人行道上。丁达尔跳了起来，但玛德阿姨没有。

Another object hit the street, and another, a drumroll of meteor strikes. Tindal found himself on his ass, ears ringing. Aunty Mads was now surrounded by armored creatures. They looked like huge, heavily muscled dogs who’d sprouted bulbous, multilobed broccoli heads, and which in turn had extruded a dozen or so silvery tentacles. 又有物体砸上了街道，接着是另一个，像是一连串流星撞击的鼓点。廷达尔发现自己摔了个屁股墩，耳朵嗡嗡作响。玛德阿姨现在被一群装甲生物包围了。它们看起来像巨大的、肌肉发达的狗，头上长着鼓鼓囊囊、多叶的西兰花头，而它们又伸出了一二根银色的触手。

In short, they looked exactly like Gadzooks. 简而言之，它们看起来和 Gadzooks 一模一样。

Aunty Mads would tell him bedtime stories about the brave sea captain, Tindopheles, and his battles with the great and terrible Gadzooks. They were monsters—part dog, part squid—but organized monsters. They followed a queen, the Luminous Gadzook, and built castles and ships, and marched around in suits of armor. Many of Tindopheles’s adventures involved out-talking and out-tricking them, rescuing their hostages (often handsome princes), or stealing their magic whozits and whatsits, before making his escape. Often it was not a clean getaway, and the Gadzooks would catch up to him, and Tindopheles would reluctantly arm his omni-cannons. He’d blow holes in their hulls, and the Gadzooks (weighed down by their suits of armor) would sink like stones. This didn’t kill them, because they didn’t need to breathe, but did drop them to the bottom of the ocean with a long walk home. 阿黛西阿姨会给他讲勇敢的海军船长廷多菲尼斯和伟大而可怕的加兹乌克斯的睡前故事。它们是怪物——半狗半章鱼——但是有组织的怪物。它们跟随一位女王，发光的加兹乌克斯，建造城堡和船只，穿着盔甲四处游行。廷多菲尼斯的许多冒险都涉及用言语和计谋胜过它们，解救它们的俘虏（通常是英俊的王子），或者偷走它们的魔法玩意儿，然后才逃脱。但往往不是那么顺利的逃脱，加兹乌克斯会追上他，廷多菲尼斯会不情愿地武装他的全向大炮。他会炸穿它们的船身，而加兹乌克斯（被它们的盔甲压着）会像石头一样沉入海底。这不会杀死它们，因为它们不需要呼吸，但会让它们沉到海底，然后不得不走很长的路回家。

So, to see the Gadzooks standing right in front of him, almost exactly as Aunty Mads had described, was super weird. 所以，看到加兹乌克斯就站在他面前，几乎和阿黛西阿姨描述的一模一样，这真是太奇怪了。

One of the Gadzooks seized Aunty Mads, pinning her arms to her sides. Tindal yelped. A bevy of Gadzook tendrils twisted in his direction. 一只加兹乌克斯抓住了阿黛西阿姨，把她的手臂按在身体两侧。廷达尔尖叫起来。一束加兹乌克斯的触手朝他扭动过来。

Aunty Mads shouted a word he didn’t catch. 阿姨·玛兹喊了一声他没听清的话。

“What?” Tindal called from the porch. “什么？”廷达尔从门廊里喊道。

“Stick to the plan!” she said. “坚持计划！”她说。

What plan? Moving the couch? That couldn’t be it. Who cared about a couch at a time like this? 什么计划？搬沙发？那不可能是。在这种情况下，谁在乎沙发呢？

Then she shouted, “Get them out of—” 然后她喊道，“把他们弄出去——”

Tendrils engulfed her head. A second Gadzook had slammed them into her. 藤蔓缠住了她的头。第二个 Gadzook 将她撞了进去。

Tindal shouted—and was suddenly airborne for the second time that day, this time involuntarily. He was sent flying through the open door, into the living room. He bounced on the wooden floor, rolled, and kept rolling until he banged against a wall. A rusty carburetor, one of Aunty Mads’s art pieces, thumped onto the ground next to him. Tindal 大喊——他再次被抛向空中，这次是被迫的。他被甩出了敞开的门，进入了客厅。他在木地板上弹跳，滚动，一直滚到撞上一面墙。一个生锈的化油器，是 Mads 阿姨的艺术品之一，砰地一声掉在他旁边。

The front door slammed shut. 前门砰地一声关上了。

Tindal wheezed, trying to get his lungs to reinflate. What in heaven’s name had just happened? Some tingly force had seized his body and thrown him into the house. Tindal 喘着气，试图让肺部重新鼓起。天哪，刚才到底发生了什么？一股发麻的力量抓住了他的身体，把他扔进了屋里。

He wanted to run to the window to see if Aunty Mads was okay—but then thought better of it. Get them out of here. There was no arguing with that commandment; Mr. Nappy and El Capitan were now Tindal’s responsibility. Aunty Mads would take care of the Gadzooks. 他想冲到窗边看看玛德阿姨是否还好——但随后又打消了这个念头。得把他们弄走。这个命令不容置疑；现在奈皮先生和埃尔卡皮坦都成了廷达尔的职责。玛德阿姨会照顾好那些该死的家伙。

He rushed to the kitchen. El Cap was bent over, attempting to shove the couch through the door. It was wedged about halfway through. Then Tindal remembered that he wasn’t supposed to be in the house, but on the other side, pulling. 他冲进厨房。埃尔卡普弯着腰，试图把沙发推进门里。沙发卡了一半进去。然后丁达尔想起他本不该在房子里，而应该在另一边拉。

“It sounded like artillery up there,” El Cap said. “上面听起来像是在放炮，”埃尔卡普说。

Tindal opened his mouth, closed it. He kept picturing the Gadzook grabbing Aunty Mads’s head. Was she dead now? What were they doing with her? 丁达尔张了张嘴，又闭上了。他不断想象着加兹 ook 抓着玛德阿姨的头。她现在死了吗？他们对她做了什么？

“You okay, little buddy?” El Cap asked. “What happened?” “你还好吗，小家伙？”埃尔卡普问。“发生了什么事？”

Tindal took a breath. “Um…a lot.” Tindal 呼了口气。“嗯……很多。”

Then he forcefully shook his head—good for disguising tears. “Aunty Mads wants us to keep going. So, on three?” He put his hands against the couch. El Cap, bless him, didn’t hesitate. He lined up next to Tindal and said, “One, two…” 然后他用力摇了摇头——这样有助于掩饰眼泪。“Mads 阿姨想我们继续。所以，三、二、一？”他把双手抵在沙发上。El Cap，谢天谢地，没有犹豫。他排在了 Tindal 旁边，说：“一、二……”

A sharp crack! and Mr. Nappy seemed to leap away from them. 一声脆响！纳普先生似乎跳离了他们。

El Cap straightened, frowning in confusion. The door frame had split on each side. And the couch was now wedged inside the Flea Bus, snug as a burrito in a baby’s mouth. 埃尔卡挺直身体，一脸困惑地皱起了眉头。门框两边都裂开了。而沙发现在卡在跳蚤巴士里，就像婴儿嘴里塞着的玉米饼一样紧密。

Tindal and El Cap exchanged a look. “So…it fits,” Tindal said. El Cap closed the two rear doors, and they scrambled into the cab. Mr. Nappy was pressed right up against the seats. 廷达尔和埃尔卡交换了一个眼神。“所以……它装得下，”廷达尔说。埃尔卡关上了后两扇门，他们慌忙钻进了驾驶室。奈普先生紧贴着座位。

The Captain turned the ignition. The Flea Bus, perhaps sensing the gravity of the situation, started right up. “Where to?” El Cap asked. 船长转动点火开关。跳蚤巴士或许感受到了情况的严重性，立刻发动了。“去哪里？”埃尔卡问道。

Tindal blinked. “Didn’t she tell you?” 廷达尔眨了眨眼。“她没告诉你吗？”

El Cap slowly shook his head. El Cap 慢慢摇了摇头。

Tindal tried to remember what Aunty Mads had said. “It was…across town?” Tindal 试图回想阿姨 Mads 说过的话。“是……穿过整个城市？”

“Tindy, my dude, we need a—whoa.” He was looking past Tindal, through the passenger window. A Gadzook had stomped around the corner of the house. Its bulging head swiveled in their direction, tentacles waggling. “Tindy，我的朋友，我们需要一个——哇。”他正透过副驾驶车窗看向 Tindal 身后。一只 Gadzook 正迈着沉重的步伐从房子拐角处走来。它鼓胀的脑袋转向他们，触手不安地摇摆着。

“That’s an alien,” El Cap said. “那是个外星人，”埃尔卡普说。

“We should go,” Tindal said. “我们应该走了，”廷达尔说。

“Agreed.” “同意。”

The Captain did complicated things with his feet and hands. The Flea Bus lurched forward, and then turned away from the alien. They churned out of Aunty Mads’s yard and into the neighbor’s. 船长用脚和手做了些复杂的事情。跳蚤巴士向前颠簸了一下，然后又转向外星人。他们从玛德阿姨的院子里冲了出来，进入了邻居家。

“Weber!” Tindal called, but El Cap had already seen it. The truck plunged between the Weber propane grill and an above-ground pool. Lawn chairs clattered off the bumper and went flying. The bus’s front wheels thumped over the curb, onto a street, and El Cap cranked the wheel. The truck tipped on heavy springs. Tindal made a high keening sound he was not proud of and jammed a hand to the roof to stop himself from sliding into El Cap’s lap. Then the side of the bus whomped down and El Cap aimed the bus between the rows of parked cars, heading south at what seemed to be the bus’s top speed, 45 kph. “韦伯！”廷达尔喊道，但埃尔·卡普已经看到了。卡车猛地撞在韦伯的丙烷烤架和地上游泳池之间。躺椅从保险杠上摔落，飞了出去。公共汽车的前轮重重地碾过路缘，驶上街道，埃尔·卡普猛地转动方向盘。卡车在沉重的弹簧上倾斜。廷达尔发出一声他并不引以为傲的高亢哀嚎，一只手按在车顶上，防止自己滑进埃尔·卡普的膝盖上。接着，公共汽车的侧面猛地砸下，埃尔·卡普将公共汽车开进停放的汽车行列之间，向南行驶，速度似乎达到了公共汽车的极限，45 公里每小时。

“Is it following us?” El Cap asked. “它在跟着我们吗？”埃尔卡问道。

Tindal leaned out the window. There was nothing behind them. “All—” The Gadzook charged out of the side yard and landed in the street. “—not clear.” The alien juked easily on those four feet and started galloping after them. Tindal 探出窗外。身后空无一人。“所有——”那个 Gadzook 从侧院冲了出来，落在了街道上。“——都不清楚。”那个外星人轻松地用那四条腿变向，开始追击他们。

“Go faster,” Tindal suggested. The alien, head-tendrils whipping angrily, was rapidly gaining on them. Then a bang shook the truck. “快点，”Tindal 建议道。那个外星人，头部的触须愤怒地抽打着，正迅速地追上他们。然后一声巨响震动了卡车。

Tindal pulled in his head and looked into the cargo area, past Mr. Nappy. One of the rear doors had been pulled free. The Gadzook held the door in several tendrils while still running. Then it tossed the door aside and grabbed the bus’s empty frame. Tindal screamed. Tindal 缩回头，看向货舱区域，绕过 Mr. Nappy。后门已经被扯了下来。那个 Gadzook 用几条触须抓着门，同时仍在奔跑。接着它把门扔到一边，抓起了公交车空荡荡的框架。Tindal 尖叫起来。

And then the creature…came apart. 然后那个生物……分崩离析。

One moment the Gadzook was hauling itself into the cargo area; the next a dark blur zipped from right to left in the air outside the bus, and plink! the dog body detached from its thick neck. The torso tumbled in the bus’s wake, somersaulting across the pavement, legs flailing. The gray broccoli head, however, held tight to the doorframe, while its neck stump convulsed like a fish, fanning dark liquid into the air behind the bus. Tindal opened his mouth to follow up his first scream, but before he managed a sound he was distracted by another blur in the air. Suddenly the Gadzook’s head divided in two, also with a cheery plink! 一转眼，Gadzook 正费力地把自己拖进货舱；下一秒，一道黑影从右往左在公交车外疾驰，啪！狗的身体从粗壮的脖子上脱落。躯干在公交车后面翻滚，在人行道上连续翻跟头，四肢乱舞。然而，灰色的西兰花头紧紧抓住门框，而它的脖颈残端像鱼一样抽搐，在公交车后面溅起黑色的液体。Tindal 张嘴想接续他的第一声尖叫，但在他发出声音之前，他又被空中的另一道黑影分心了。突然，Gadzook 的头也分成两半，同样伴随着愉快的啪！

Dark blood—or motor oil, impossible to say—sprayed the roof. The head lost its grip on the doorframe and bounced away like a tentacled bowling ball. 深色的血——或者说是机油，无法分辨——溅满了屋顶。脑袋失去了对门框的抓握，像一只带触手的保龄球一样弹开。

El Cap frowned at the side mirror, speechless. Tindal couldn’t figure out what had happened, either. 埃尔卡布皱着眉头看着侧视镜，一言不发。廷达尔也不知道发生了什么。

The street T’d. El Cap swung right, then had to brake to a stop. The intersection ahead was solid with creeping traffic. El Cap leaned out his window and got the attention of a middle-aged driver in a middle-aged Volvo. “Can I? Okay?” The driver allowed the Flea Bus to edge crosswise into the avenue. “Thanks!” El Cap called. “Sorry! Thanks!” He steered the bus to the other side and sped away—“sped” being an extremely relative term. 街道 T 型转弯了。埃尔卡布向右转，然后不得不刹车停下。前面的十字路口挤满了蠕动的车辆。埃尔卡布探出车窗，引起了一位中年沃尔沃司机的注意。“可以吗？好的？”司机允许跳蚤巴士斜着驶入大路。“谢谢！”埃尔卡布喊道。“抱歉！谢谢！”他驾驶巴士到另一边，然后飞驰而去——“飞驰”这个词在这里的意思非常相对。

“I still don’t know where we’re going,” El Cap said. “We could head north with everyone else.” “我还是不知道我们要去哪里，”埃尔卡普说。“我们可以和所有人一起往北走。”

“The spaceship came from the south and was heading north,” Tindal said. “So go south?” “这艘宇宙飞船从南边来，正往北边飞，”廷达尔说。“所以要去南边？”

“But then it stopped at Aunty Mads’s. Now it could be heading back to the waterfront.” “但它后来停在了玛德阿姨家。现在它可能会开回滨水区了。”

Aargh! Such a conundrum. Tindal realized he’d been absent-mindedly rubbing the arm of the couch. It felt nice. “Maybe we should just take it back to your house. Or we could—” 该死！这真是个难题。廷达尔意识到自己正心不在焉地抓着沙发扶手。感觉不错。“也许我们还是把它送回你家吧。或者——”

The hand of physics, citing the rules of momentum, shoved Tindal into the dashboard; the Captain had slammed on the brakes. A quartet of Gadzooks stood in the middle of the street, half a block away. Judging from the impact craters beneath their feet, they’d just landed. Their tendrils were aimed at them, and the tips of several of those wriggly arms were glowing bright orange. 物理定律的手，以动量规则为依据，把廷达尔推到了仪表盘上；船长猛地踩了刹车。四个“哇哦”站在街道中央，距离半街区远。从他们脚下撞击坑来看，他们刚着陆。它们的触须指向他们，好几条扭动的触须尖端正发出明亮的橙色光芒。

“Do they have guns in those things, too?” El Cap asked. “那些东西里也有枪吗？”埃尔卡普问道。

“In the stories they had flintlock pistols, but maybe?!” “在故事里他们有燧发手枪，但也许？！”

“What stories?” “有哪些故事？”

One of the tendrils erupted in light. The air in front of the Flea Bus flared white…and then faded, leaving behind the smell of burnt toast. The Gadzooks were still standing in the street, though now their arms seemed agitated. 其中一条藤蔓爆发出光芒。跳蚤巴士前方的空气骤然变得雪白，然后逐渐褪去，只留下烤面包的焦糊味。加兹沃克斯们仍然站在街上，不过现在他们的手臂似乎有些不安。

Tindal couldn’t understand why they were still alive. Was that a warning shot? 廷达尔不明白他们为何还活着。这是警告射击吗？

“Back up?” Tindal suggested. Then: “Never mind.” “后退？”廷达尔建议。然后又说：“算了。”

The blur had returned. 模糊感又回来了。

The fast-moving smudge dashed between and through the bodies. Gadzook heads popped from necks like dandelion bulbs. Limbs flew. The sprays of blood were horrific but also a bit bombastic, almost show-offy. Were Gadzook suits of armor pressurized? These space dogs were going off like hot, heavily shaken beer cans. 那快速移动的污渍在身体间穿梭。Gadzook 的头颅像蒲公英球茎般从脖颈中弹起。肢体四散飞溅。血溅的场面既恐怖又有些夸张，几乎像是在炫耀。Gadzook 的盔甲是否是加压的？这些太空犬像被加热后剧烈摇晃的啤酒罐一样爆炸开来。

Within seconds, all four of the aliens lay in pieces across the road. The blur hovered over them, as if admiring its work. 几秒钟内，四个外星人就在路上碎成了几块。那个模糊的身影悬在他们上方，仿佛在欣赏自己的杰作。

El Cap said, “Is that…?” 埃尔·卡普说：“那是什么……？”

The blur zipped toward them. Tindal ducked, but the blur swooped past the windshield, over their heads, and then—sha-ring!—cut through the roof of the Flea Bus. 模糊的身影朝他们飞来。廷达尔躲闪了一下，但那身影擦过挡风玻璃，飞过他们的头顶，然后——哐当！——切穿了跳蚤巴士的车顶。

It was in the vehicle with them, hovering at eye level in the L of the couch. It was so flat that it would have been invisible if not for the faint red glow that surrounded it. 它就在他们乘坐的车辆里，悬在沙发形成的“L”字形状的眼平高度。它极其扁平，如果不是周围环绕着微弱的红色光芒，几乎难以察觉。

“Sucky!” Tindal said. “真糟糕！”丁达尔说。

“Let’s get one thing straight,” the vacuum cleaner said. “If you call me that again, I will cut you in half.” “咱们先说清楚，”吸尘器说，“你要是再这么叫我，我就把你切成两半。”