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《我并不失望只是生气又名已知宇宙中最重的沙发》

Tindal, in a state of bogglement, shut up. The appliance floated to the dashboard, turned in place, and started issuing driving instructions—which El Cap obeyed. They zigged and zagged through the neighborhood, but were heading mostly westward. Tindal 一脸困惑地闭上了嘴。那个装置飘到仪表盘上，原地转了个圈，开始发出驾驶指令——而 El Cap 则听从了这些指令。他们在社区里七拐八绕，但主要还是朝着西边行驶。

“So what is your name?” Tindal asked. “那你叫什么名字？”廷达尔问道。

“You wouldn’t be able to pronounce my full name,” it said. “You may call me Surokar Kedissear Vanteen Tev Vanteen.” “你不可能念出我的全名，”它说。“你可以叫我苏罗卡尔·凯迪瑟尔·万提恩·特夫·万提恩。”

“So I was close.” “所以我就差一点。”

The machine’s aura flashed scarlet. 机器的光芒闪烁着猩红。

“Where are we going, uh, Surokar?” El Cap asked. “And also, why are these guys chasing us?” “我们要去哪里，呃，苏罗卡尔？”埃尔卡普问道。“还有，他们为什么要追我们？”

“The Gadzik aren’t after you, they’re after the Neoton.” “加兹克人不是针对你，他们针对的是新顿人。”

Tindal frowned. “The exercise bike?” 廷达尔皱起了眉头。“那健身自行车？”

“That’s a Peloton,” El Cap said helpfully. “那是一台 Peloton，”El Cap 热心地说。

“The couch,” Surokar said. “Fortunately for you, its defenses have kicked in. Its baffle field makes us invisible to their ship’s sensors. Eventually they’ll figure out what we’ve done, at which point they’ll start tracking us visually. When they spot us they’ll drop a thousand marines on top of us.” “沙发，”苏罗卡尔说。“幸运的是你，它的防御系统已经启动了。它的屏蔽场让我们对他们的飞船传感器来说是隐形的。最终他们会发现我们做了什么，那时他们就会开始用视觉追踪我们。当他们发现我们时，就会在头顶上空投一千名陆战队员。”

“That sounds bad,” Tindal said. “那听起来很糟糕，”廷达尔说。

“It is. A dozen or so seconds of thrilling combat will ensue, during which you boys will be, hopefully, killed instantly.” “是的。接下来会有一阵十几秒钟的激烈战斗，在那期间，你们这些小子，希望是，会瞬间被杀。”

“Thanks?” El Cap said. “谢谢？”埃尔卡普说。

“Can we go with not killed at all?” Tindal asked. “我们能直接不被杀死吗？”廷达尔问道。

“Oh, you don’t want that,” the machine said. “If you’re alive you’ll be taken to their ship, interrogated, and tortured until they learn, pretty much instantly, that you’re human morons who have no usable information, at which point they’ll keep torturing you because A, they’re good at it; B, they take pride in their work; and C, their religion demands it. Gadzik marines take umbrage at any lesser species who’d dare to kill them in the streets, much less kill five of them.” “哦，你不想那样，”机器说。“如果你活着，他们会把你带到他们的飞船上，审问并折磨你，直到他们几乎立刻就明白，你们是人类白痴，没有任何可用信息，然后他们会继续折磨你，因为 A，他们很擅长；B，他们为自己的工作感到自豪；C，他们的宗教要求这样做。加兹克海军陆战队员对任何敢于在街上杀死他们的低等物种都感到愤慨，更不用说杀死五个了。”

“But you killed them,” El Cap pointed out. “但你杀了他们，”埃尔·卡普指出。

“The Gadzik aren’t into splitting hairs. Turn right at the stoplight.” “加兹克人不会斤斤计较。在红绿灯处右转。”

“You keep saying it wrong,” Tindal said. “It’s Gadzook. Gadzook marines.” “你总是说错，”廷达尔说。“是加兹 ook。加兹 ook 海军陆战队员。”

The machine made a noise that might have been an electronic sigh. “Tindal, please consider the possibility that the person you call Aunty Mads may have given them a funny, unthreatening name because you’re a child.” 机器发出了一声可能像电子叹息的声音。“廷达尔，请考虑一下，你称呼的玛德阿姨可能给他们起了个滑稽、无害的名字，因为你是个孩子。”

“You mean I was a—” “你的意思是，我——”

“Nope.” “不。”

“Ouch,” El Cap said. “哎哟，”埃尔卡普说。

“And what do you mean, the person I called Aunty Mads?” Tindal asked. “What do you call her?” “那你说的‘我称之为 Mads 阿姨’的人，到底是什么意思？”丁达尔问道。“你该怎么称呼她？”

“Just Mad.” “就叫 Mad。”

Tindal squinted. “When you say Just Mad, do you mean, Just Mad, or just Mad?” 丁达尔眯起眼睛。“你说的‘就叫 Mad’，是指‘就叫 Mad’，还是‘就是 Mad’？”

“Just Mad.” “只是生气而已。”

“Hate to interrupt,” El Cap said, “but, uh, you know.” “不好意思打扰一下，”埃尔卡普说，“呃，你知道的。”

“We’ve got to go back to the house and rescue Aunty Mads,” Tindal said. “我们必须回去救麦德阿姨，”廷达尔说。

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Surokar said. “She’s already on their ship. It’s climbing now into the upper atmosphere as we speak, but they won’t leave orbit until they’ve found the Neoton.” “别胡说，”苏罗卡尔说。“她已经在他们的飞船上了。我们现在说话的时候它正在进入高层大气，但他们不会离开轨道，直到找到新顿。”

“Can we just give them the couch?” El Cap asked. “我们能不能直接给他们沙发？”埃尔卡问道。

“No!” Tindal cried. “不！”廷达尔喊道。

“That’s the first reasonable thing that’s come out of your mouth,” Surokar said. “你嘴里第一次说出像样的话，”苏罗卡尔说。

“I don’t understand why they want a sofa,” El Cap said. “我不明白他们为什么要沙发，”埃尔·卡普说。

“The sofa is a Neoton, a complex—” “沙发是一个新顿，一个复杂的——”

“Everybody shush!” Tindal said. To the machine he said, “Are they going to torture Aunty Mads?” “大家安静！”廷达尔说。他对机器说：“他们要折磨玛德阿姨吗？”

“You’re clearly not listening,” Surokar said. “It’s probably already begun. They want to force her to find the Neoton and disable its defenses so they can have their way with it. But don’t worry. She won’t break. She’s a custom-grown, gene-fixed, neuro-optimized citizen of the Bloom.” “你显然没有在听，”苏罗卡尔说。“可能已经开始了吧。他们想强迫她找到新顿，并瘫痪它的防御系统，这样他们就能为所欲为。但别担心。她不会屈服的。她是布 loom 的定制培育、基因改造、神经优化的公民。”

“A what of a what?” El Cap asked. “什么什么？”埃尔卡普问。

But Tindal had stopped listening. His eyes had filled with tears and his throat had closed. 但廷达尔已经不再听进去了。他的眼睛充满了泪水，喉咙也哽住了。

El Cap put a hand on his back, but said nothing. He always knew the right thing not to say. El Cap 将手放在他的背上，但没有说话。他总是知道不该说什么。

“We have to—to rescue her,” Tindal said through a hiccupping breath. “我们必须——救她，”丁达尔一边喘着气，一边说道。

“The only thing we’re going to do,” Surokar said, “is follow the plan.” “我们唯一要做的，”苏罗卡说，“就是按计划行事。”

Tindal stared at the machine. “She was talking to you.” He palmed the tears from his eyes. “When she said stick to the plan, I thought she was talking to me, but—” 廷达尔盯着机器看。“她是在跟你说话。”他擦去眼中的泪水。“当她说要按计划行事时，我以为她是在跟我说话，但是——”

“I was just behind you, ready to annihilate the Gadzik landing party where they stood. Unfortunately, Mad insisted that I get the Neoton and you two out of the area.” “我就在你后面，准备将加兹克登陆小队就地歼灭。不幸的是，玛德坚持要我把内通顿和你两个人弄出这个区域。”

“So you shoved me into the house,” Tindal said. “And then you went around and yanked the couch through the door and into the bus.” “所以你把我推进了房子，”廷达尔说。“然后你又绕回来，把沙发拉过门，拉进了巴士里。”

“Point to the meat brain,” the machine said. That was something Aunty Mads was always saying: Point to you, point to me. “指向那个肉脑，”机器说。这可是 Mads 阿姨常说的话：指向你，指向我。

“But how did you move it?” El Cap said. “You don’t have any arms, or…” “那你怎么把它移走的？”埃尔卡普问。“你没有手臂，或者……”

“Magnets,” Surokar said. “磁铁，”苏罗卡尔说。

“I knew it,” Tindal said. “我就知道，”廷达尔说。

The machine flashed red. “I don’t have time to explain field technology to you. See that sign for the park? Turn in there.” 机器闪起了红灯。“我没时间向你解释领域技术。看到那个公园的标志了吗？在那里转弯。”

The Flea Bus coasted down a steep, thickly wooded parkway, headed for the water. Tindal could not stop thinking about Aunty Mads. What were they doing to her? And how were Tindal and El Cap going to rescue her? 跳蚤巴士沿着陡峭、树木茂密的公园路向水边滑行。廷达尔不停地想着玛德阿姨。他们对她做了什么？廷达尔和埃尔卡普又该如何救她？

The machine told El Cap to keep going through the parking lot, onto one of the paved walkways. El Cap wasn’t happy about the motorized trespassing, or the angry looks from the park visitors. (Which—really? Tindal thought. An alien invasion in progress but you’re not going to cancel your picnic?) 机器告诉埃尔卡普要通过停车场，走上其中一条铺砌的小径。埃尔卡普对机动闯入并不高兴，也不喜欢公园游客愤怒的目光。（——真的吗？廷达尔心想。外星入侵正在进行，你却要取消你的野餐？）

They drove out onto a peninsula, where the walkway curved around the point like a keyhole. “Stop here,” Surokar said. “And don’t go anywhere.” The machine zipped through the passenger window and then scooted low over the blue-green water. Tindal, squinting through a windshield freckled with Gadzook blood, lost sight of it immediately. 他们开车驶向一个半岛，小径像钥匙孔一样绕过尖端。 “停在这里，”苏罗卡尔说。“别去任何地方。” 机器从乘客车窗飞驰而过，然后低低地滑过蓝绿色的水面。廷达尔透过布满加祖克血迹的车窗眯着眼，立刻就失去了它的踪迹。

A minute passed. The Flea Bus’s engine rumbled. Tindal sat back in his seat and contemplated the heaviness in his chest. 一分钟过去了。跳蚤巴士的引擎轰鸣着。廷达尔回到座位上，思索着胸口的沉重感。

“So,” El Cap said. “Aunty Mads is an alien, too.” “所以，”埃尔·卡普说。“玛德阿姨也是外星人。”

“Checks out,” Tindal replied. He’d always thought she was kind of amazing. He just couldn’t understand why she’d let the Gadzooks capture her like that. I’m going to go take care of this she’d told him, but that had been another lie to make him feel better. “没错，”廷达尔回答。他一直觉得她很了不起。他只是不明白她为什么会让加兹尤克斯那样抓住她。我要去处理这件事，她曾告诉他，但这又是为了让他感觉好起来的谎言。

Together they stared out through the windshield. 他们一起透过挡风玻璃向外望去。

“And another thing,” Tindal said. “Why is Sucky so, you know…” “还有一件事，”廷达尔说。“为什么萨基那么……你知道……”

“Homicidal?” El Cap offered. “有杀意？”埃尔·卡普提议。

“Mean.” “讨厌。”

El Cap pulled at his beard. “We can dump and run, my dude. If they want the Neo-couch, let them have it.” 埃尔·卡普摸了摸胡子。“我们可以丢下它就跑，我的兄弟。如果他们想要那个新沙发，就让给他们吧。”

Tindal shook his head. “Aunty Mads asked us to take care of it. We really should have asked Sucky why they want it so bad.” Tindal 摇了摇头。“Mads 阿姨让我们照顾它。我们本该问问 Sucky 他们为什么这么想要它。”

But El Cap’s attention had moved to the lake. A few hundred yards away, the surface of the water bulged, and a large something burped into the air and hung there—a blueish egg the size of a local bank, decorated with silvery fins. Water sheeted from it as if it were capped by an invisible umbrella. 但埃尔卡普的注意力已经转向了湖面。几百码外，水面隆起，一个巨大的东西喷着气进入空中，悬在那里——一个蓝绿色的蛋，大小如当地银行，装饰着银色的鳍。水从它上面流下，仿佛被一个看不见的伞盖遮挡。

Tindal and El Cap exchanged a look. Was this good news or bad news? 廷达尔和埃尔卡普交换了一个眼神。这是好消息还是坏消息？

The egg glided toward them, over the surf, and hovered in front of the bus. The front of it folded open, exposing a gleaming white interior, and a small levitating robot. 那个蛋滑向他们，越过浪花，悬停在巴士前。它的前部折叠打开，露出了闪亮的白色内部，以及一个悬浮的小机器人。

“Don’t just sit there with your ape mouths agape!” Surokar shouted. “Let’s go!” “别坐在那里，张着你们的猿嘴！”苏罗卡尔喊道。“我们走！”

The remaining rear door of the Flea Bus flew open, and the couch levitated out. 跳蚤巴士的后门飞了开来，沙发漂浮着飞了出去。

Six minutes later they were in space. 六分钟后，他们到了太空。

Prologue (Some time ago) 序章（很久以前） ::So, we’re a hotel now?:: ::那我们现在成酒店了？::

“Don’t be a grump. Hand me the teapot, would you?” “别发脾气。把茶壶递给我，好吗？”

::It was bad enough when he was popping in all the time, and now he’s sleeping over?:: ::他平时来串门就够烦人了，现在还住这儿？::

“Teapot?” “茶壶？”

::Ask me in your real language. You’ve got a transmitter in your head. Use it:: ::用你们的语言问我。你们脑袋里有个发射器，用用它::

“Fine, I’ll get it myself.” “行，我自己弄。”

::You’re going native, Mads. Going soft:: ::你开始说本地话了，马德。变得软弱了::

“Soft natives are the worst.” “软弱的本地人最差劲。”

::You’ve been separated from yourself too long. You’re stuck in that absurdly limited meat body, cut off from your true self. It’s as if—:: 你已经与自己分离得太久了。你被困在那副荒谬地受限的血肉之躯里，与你的真我隔绝开来。就好像——

“Good riddance.” “早该滚蛋了。”

::—you’re trying to forget who you are:: ::你试图忘记你是谁::

“No chance of that, unfortunately.” “那可没门，不幸的是。”

::You turned your Neoton into a couch:: ::你把你的 Neoton 变成了沙发::

“An adorable, comfy couch.” “一件可爱又舒适的沙发。”

::I don’t know what’s worse, you speaking English all the time, or allowing some barely sentient Dickensian waif to drool all over the most advanced mind within a thousand light years:: ::不知道是更糟糕，你一直说英语，还是允许一个几乎没什么意识的狄更斯式小丫头把口水滴在千光年内最先进的大脑上::

“Dickensian? Why Surokar, you’ve been reading their books.” “狄更斯式？索鲁卡尔，你一直读他们的书啊。”

::What choice do I have? We’ve been stuck here for decades. I’m bored silly:: ::我有什么选择呢？我们在这里被困了几十年了。我无聊死了::

“Also, Tindal’s not a waif. He’s just a child in a bad situation who could use a little help.” “此外，Tindal 不是御宅族。他只是处于困境中的孩子，需要一点帮助。”

::That’s the exact definition of waif:: ::这就是“御宅族”的准确定义::

“Point to the vacuum cleaner.” “指向吸尘器。”

::You’ve made him dependent on you. You never should have interfered in his life:: 你让他对你产生了依赖。你本就不该干涉他的生活：

“That thug could have killed him. He’d already broken his arm. What would you have me do?” “那个混混差点杀了他。他的胳膊都断了。那我该怎么办？”

::Call an ambulance—anonymously. Keep your head down. Don’t beat up on the locals. And certainly don’t bring children into the house and knit their fractures with technology that shouldn’t exist on this planet:: 叫救护车——匿名地。低着头。别和当地人打架。当然，也别把孩子们带到家里，用这种本不该存在于这个星球的技术给他们接骨头：

“I just wish I had the tech to do something about this terrible tea. Do you think I can grow something in the backyard that tastes at all like elanthus?” “我只要有点技术能处理这该死的茶就好了。你觉得后院能种点什么，尝起来至少有点像 elanthus 的味道吗？”

::You’re changing the subject:: ::你在转移话题::

“What is the subject?” ::“什么话题？”

::Your questionable decision-making. You seem to think you’re helping the boy when you’re doing the opposite:: ::你那可疑的决策能力。你似乎认为自己在帮助那个男孩，实际上却恰恰相反::

“How so?” “怎么会这样？”

::Filling his head with fables, for one. If you’re going to tell him about the war, at least tell him the truth:: ::用寓言填满他的头脑，至少这一点。如果你要告诉他关于战争的事，至少要告诉他真相::

“You want me to tell him what I am? What happened to keeping my head down?” “你想让我告诉他我是谁？什么情况下我才能保持低调？”

::I didn’t say tell him the facts, I said tell him the truth. He should know how scary the universe is. The world isn’t some fairy tale where he’s the hero and the good guys always win:: ::我没说告诉他事实，我说的是告诉他真相。他应该知道宇宙有多可怕。这个世界不是童话，不是他永远是英雄，好人总是获胜的地方::

“He already knows that. He’s not even nine years old and he’s seen enough horror. You’ve seen his mother in action. No, let him have a happy ending or two.” “他早就知道了。他还没到九岁就已经见过太多恐怖。你见过他母亲的本领。不，让他有几个快乐的结局吧。”

::The war’s not over, Mads. The Gadzik refuse to surrender:: 战争还没结束，马德。加兹克人拒绝投降。

“So you’ve been listening to the passive feed.” “所以你一直在听被动频道的消息。”

::One of us has to. They’ve resorted to guerilla warfare, picking off small Bloom ships. But the general opinion is that they’re rearming for another major offensive:: 我们中必须有人听。他们已经采取游击战，袭击小型布鲁姆飞船。但普遍认为他们正在重新武装，准备发动另一次大规模进攻。

“That’ll be somebody else’s fight.” “那将是别人的战斗。”

::What the Bloom needs is you:: ::Bloom 需要的就是你::

“Do they still think I’m dead?” “他们还以为我死了？”

::Define they. If you’re talking about your fellow ships, the consensus is that you’re gone. They can’t imagine you allowing yourself to be captured, or staying out of the war voluntarily, so…:: ::定义“他们”。如果你指的是你的船员，共识是你已经消失了。他们无法想象你会让自己被俘，或者自愿退出战争，所以…::

“That’s just a lack of imagination.” “那只是缺乏想象力。”

::The Gadzik, however, are unconvinced. They’re still searching for you. They found the wreckage, but the dearth of Neoton-quality exotic materials raised suspicions:: ::然而，盖兹克人并不相信。他们还在寻找你。他们找到了残骸，但缺乏新顿质量的异星材料引起了怀疑::

“Hmph. I thought the fragments I left behind were quite convincing.” “哼。我觉得我留下的那些碎片相当有说服力。”

::The Thirteenth Gadzik Instantiation runs on zeal, not logic:: ::第十三次 Gadzik 实体运行靠的是热情，不是逻辑::

“I was hoping…well. It doesn’t matter what I hoped.” “我原本希望……嗯。我原本希望什么并不重要。”

::The Most Luminous Mare wants to try you for war crimes:: ::最耀眼的马想要控诉你犯下的战争罪行::

“Sure she does. A lot of people in the Bloom would, too.” “当然啦。布 loom（Bloom）城里的人也大多会这么想。”

::Nonsense. You did what you had to do. What no one else could do. And they still—:: ::胡说。你做了你必须做的事。是别人做不到的事。可他们还是——::

“Here we go. Is it time for the monthly pitch meeting?” “好了，是时候开每月的提案会议了吗？”

::You should be rebuilding yourself. Right now you could have factory bots in close orbit to their little yellow sun, generating exotics for your hull. In a few years you could bootstrap yourself into fighting shape, better than before, even:: 你应该在重建自己。现在你可以在他们那小小的黄色太阳的近地轨道上部署工厂机器人，为你的船体生成奇物。几年后，你就能把自己 bootstrapping 到战斗状态，比以前更好，甚至……

“I’m retired, Surokar.” “我退休了，苏罗卡尔。”

::Are you sure all of you is retired?:: ::你确定你们所有人都退休了？::

“The Neoton’s staying dormant.” “内托恩（Neoton）处于休眠状态。”

::Why don’t you wake it up and ask it?:: ::你为什么不叫醒它问问它呢？::

“Watch yourself.” “小心点。”

::I apologize, but I’m worried that you’re not thinking clearly:: ::抱歉，但我担心你还没想清楚::

“See, that doesn’t sound apologetic.” “你看，这听起来不像是在道歉。”

::What if you die? You’re tough, but one of these humans could get in a lucky shot:: ::如果你死了呢？你很坚强，但其中一个人类可能会侥幸击中::

“That’s why you’re here.” “这就是你来的原因。”

::Please, Mads. If you become incapacitated, I can’t unlock the Neoton. And the Bloom needs everyone back in the fight:: ::求你了，马德斯。如果你失去行动能力，我就无法启动尼托恩。而且，布鲁姆需要所有人重新投入战斗：::

“You want to stop being a ghost, be my guest. Take the shuttle. All I ask is that you don’t send a signal homeward until you’re well out of range of this planet.” “你想停止做一个幽灵，那就请便。乘坐穿梭机离开。我只要求你，在离开这颗行星足够远之前，不要发送任何向家的信号。”

::Who are you hiding from—the Gadzik or your fellow ships?:: ::你在躲避谁——加兹克人还是你的同伴飞船？::

“Yes.” “是的。”

::Ha. You disappoint me, Mads:: ::哈。你让我失望，Mads::

“Now who’s being funny?” “现在谁在开玩笑？”

::You can’t hide forever:: ::你不可能永远躲藏下去::

“I can hide for a damn long— Hey, kiddo. What are you doing up?” “我可以躲藏得非常非常久——嘿，小家伙。你起什么来了？”

“Who are you talking to?” “你跟谁说话呢？”

“Nobody.” “没有人。”

“BLEEP BLOOP.” “哔哔，咚咚。”

“Hi, Sucky!” “嗨，倒霉蛋！”

“Come on, little man. What do you need, a drink of water? Let’s get you taken care of, then tuck you back into Mr. Nappy.” “来吧，小家伙。你需要什么？喝点水？我们先照顾好你，然后把你送回睡袋先生那里。”

Six hours later they were still in space. 六小时后，他们仍然在太空中。

On any other day, Tindal thought, a trip on a spaceship would have been a mind-shattering turn of events. Today it ranked fourth, maybe fifth. The Earth, which had filled the big, curved window at the start of the trip, had steadily shrunk as they flew away, transitioning as smoothly as a special effect in a sci-fi movie, and not a Canadian movie, either, but an American blockbuster. Now their home planet had disappeared. 在任何一个其他的日子里，Tindal 心想，乘坐宇宙飞船旅行将是一场令人震惊的经历。但今天，这只能算第四件事，或许第五件。地球，在旅途开始时填满了那扇大而弯曲的窗户，随着他们飞离，它一直在稳步缩小，就像科幻电影中的特效一样流畅，而且不是加拿大电影，而是一部美国大片。现在，他们的家园星球已经消失了。

Tindal sat on Mr. Nappy, holding his head in his hands. The sofa was the most comfortable seat in the cabin and by far the most colorful. The rest of the ship, which Sucky said was not a ship at all but merely a shuttle, seemed to be one contiguous surface, with helpful bumps and recesses, like a walk-in shower. The color palette leaned heavily into the Ikea catalog, with lots of piney browns and crips whites. Tindal 坐在 Nappy 先生身上，双手捂住头。沙发是机舱里最舒适的座位，也是最多彩的。船的其余部分，Sucky 说根本不是船，而只是穿梭机，看起来像是一个连续的表面，有许多有用的凸起和凹槽，就像一个步入式淋浴间。色彩搭配严重偏向宜家目录，有很多松木棕和爽快的白色。

El Capitan explored every chamber, and then finally came back to the main cabin bearing cups and plates loaded with various shapes. El Capitan 探索了每一个房间，然后终于带着装满各种形状的杯子和盘子回到了主舱。

“I found food,” he said. “我找到食物了，”他说。

“I made food,” Surokar corrected. The machine was floating above a perfectly blank countertop it insisted was the control panel. When they left the planet it was pretty braggy about how, thanks to its excellent manipulation of the baffle fields, the Gadzook ship hadn’t noticed their escape from the planet. But it had refused to answer any of their questions or even tell them where they were going, “in case they were captured.” “我做了食物，”苏罗卡纠正道。那台机器漂浮在一个它坚持说是控制面板的完美空白台面上。当他们离开这颗星球时，它颇为得意地吹嘘，多亏了它对扰流场的出色操控，加祖克飞船并没有察觉到他们逃离这颗星球。但它拒绝回答他们任何问题，甚至不肯告诉他们要去哪里，“以防他们被俘。”

El Cap crouched down in front of Tindal. “You should eat, buddy.” 埃尔·卡普蹲伏在廷达尔面前。“你应该吃点东西，伙计。”

“No thanks.” “不用了。”

“Come on. This triangle one tastes like pumpkin.” “快点。这个三角形的那个尝起来像南瓜。”

“He’ll eat eventually,” Surokar said. “We’ll be in here for a while.” “他总会吃的，”苏罗卡说。“我们得在这里待一会儿。”

“How long?” El Cap asked. “多久？”

“Twenty-two days, give or take.” “二十二天，上下。”

“What?” Tindal said. “You said it was a short trip!” “什么？”廷达尔说。“你说这是一次短途旅行！”

“I said it was a relatively short trip,” Surokar said. “我说这是一次相对较短的旅行，”苏罗卡尔说。

“The Flea Bus is for sure going to get towed,” El Cap said. “跳蚤巴士肯定会被人拖走的，”埃尔卡普说。

“I wouldn’t worry about the vehicle,” Surokar said. “There’s a good chance the Gadzik will nuke Toronto, or set the atmosphere on fire, or snap a black hole into the center of your planet, destroying it completely. The bus, in other words, is toast.” “你不用担心这辆车，”苏罗卡尔说。“有很大可能加兹克会炸毁多伦多，或者点燃大气层，或者把一个黑洞撕扯到你的星球中心，彻底摧毁它。换句话说，这辆车就完蛋了。”

“Why would they do that?” Tindal yelled. “What did we do?” “他们为什么要那样做？”廷达尔喊道。“我们做了什么？”

“If Mads doesn’t tell them what they want to know—and she won’t—they’ll eventually start breaking things, just to see if they can get the Neoton to reveal itself.” “如果 Mads 不告诉他们想知道的事情——而且她不会告诉他们——他们最终会开始破坏东西，看看是否能让 Neoton 显露出来。”

“But why do they want Mr. Nappy?” Tindal asked. “You can tell us now. We’re not going anywhere and the Gadzooks are behind us.” “但他们为什么要找奈普先生？”廷达尔问道。“你现在可以告诉我们。我们不会离开，而且加兹尤克斯就在我们后面。”

The machine’s aura flickered through a variety of oranges and yellows, then settled into resigned, mottled brown. It floated out into the middle of the cabin. 机器的光芒在橙色和黄色之间闪烁，然后稳定在无奈的斑驳棕色。它漂浮到船舱中央。

“I’m only going to present this exposition once,” the robot said, “and I will not be taking questions.” “我只会陈述一次这个背景介绍，”机器人说，“而且我不会回答问题。”

To understand our current situation, it said, you had to understand the Bloom—a vast yet thinly distributed civilization roughly nine thousand years old by the human timescale, yet a dewy-cheeked adolescent, galactically speaking. It wasn’t an empire or a republic or any kind of government Earthlings had conceived of, but more a kind of group project whose members were several trillion (mostly) humanoid organics, a smaller number of machine intelligences, and an even smaller number of Neotons. These last beings were mind-blowingly clever intelligences embodied in ships and orbitals who, Surokar explained, kept things running, as far as anyone could tell, because they seemed to enjoy it. Bloom citizens, organic and inorganic alike, tended to be ethical hedonists: self-consciously rational, skeptical, materialist, and all-around good sports. The society they created was a moneyless communistic utopia with infinite resources, without poverty, disease, or even discomfort, except as one chose to be uncomfortable, and many did, because it could be interesting. In the Bloom, everything mattered and nothing did. 要理解我们目前的处境，它说，你必须了解布卢姆——这个文明在人类的时间尺度上已有约九千年的历史，但在宇宙尺度上，它还只是个稚气未脱的青少年。它既不是帝国，也不是共和国，也不是地球人所能想象到的任何形式的政府，更像是一个集体项目，其成员包括数万亿（主要是）类人有机体、数量较少的机器智能，以及数量更少的诺顿人。最后这些生物是令人惊叹的聪明智能体，它们以飞船和轨道体的形式存在，据苏罗卡解释，它们似乎喜欢维持一切运转，因为它们似乎从中获得乐趣。布卢姆的公民，无论是有机还是无机，都倾向于成为伦理享乐主义者：他们有意识地追求理性，充满怀疑，唯物主义，并且是全方位的好伙伴。他们创造的社会是一个没有货币的共产主义乌托邦，拥有无限资源，没有贫困、疾病，甚至没有不适，除非你选择不适，而很多人确实选择了不适，因为那可能很有趣。在布卢姆，一切都很重要，又什么都不重要。

“Sounds nice,” El Cap said. “听起来不错，”埃尔卡普说。

“Don’t interrupt,” Surokar said. “But yes.” “别打断，”苏罗卡说。“但是是的。”

So nice, in fact, that other galactic civilizations—like, say, the Thirteenth Gadzik Instantiation, an empire built on religious exceptionalism and divinely sanctioned expansionism—sometimes concluded that the Bloom was so decadent, so fat and happy, so soft that it practically begged to be dominated. They’d eye those vast Bloom ships and those giant orbitals chock-full of self-indulgent pleasure-seekers and think, That’s quite enough of that. 确实如此美好，以至于其他银河文明——比如说第十三代加兹克即时化身，一个建立在宗教例外主义和神圣扩张主义之上的帝国——有时会得出结论，认为布鲁姆已经如此堕落，如此肥胖而快乐，如此柔软，以至于它几乎在乞求被统治。他们会盯着那些庞大的布鲁姆飞船和那些装满了自我放纵的享乐者的巨大轨道站，心想，这就够了。

“But here’s the thing they all learn eventually, Earthlings…” Surokar’s aura flashed a devious orange. “If you fuck with the Bloom, the Bloom fucks back.” “但是，他们最终都会明白这一点，地球人……”苏罗卡尔的气场闪过狡黠的橙色。“如果你惹了布鲁姆，布鲁姆就会报复。”

In a society made up of hedonists, especially of the ethical flavor, the distasteful business of defending the flock from the galactic wolves fell to a certain class of citizen—eccentrics, oddities, high-minded sociopaths—with a talent for dirty tricks and an ability to handle special circumstances. Someone had to assassinate foreign heads of state, rig elections, subvert dynasties, demoralize the populace, instigate civil wars, seed doubt, instill fear, sow chaos, and generally undermine the Bloom’s enemies before they became a serious threat. 在一个由享乐主义者组成的社会中，尤其是那些有道德倾向的享乐主义者，保护羊群免受银河狼侵害的令人不快的任务，落到了某一类公民身上——怪咖、异类、高傲的社恐，他们擅长卑劣手段，并能够处理特殊情况。必须有人暗杀外国国家元首，操纵选举，颠覆王朝，打击民众士气，挑起内战，散布怀疑，制造恐惧，播撒混乱，并一般性地削弱布鲁姆的敌人，在他们成为严重威胁之前。

“So Bloom’s a communist utopia…” Tindal slowly said. “…that also does terrible things?” “所以布鲁姆是个共产主义乌托邦……”廷达尔缓缓说道。“……那它也做些可怕的事？”

“Life is complicated,” the machine said. “生活很复杂，”机器说。

“And the Gadzik found out they were being messed with,” El Cap said. “而且盖兹克发现他们被人摆了一道，”埃尔卡普说。

“The origins of the conflict are murky.” “冲突的起因很模糊。”

“So yes,” El Cap said. “所以是的，”埃尔卡普说。

The hot war with the Thirteenth Gadzik Instantiation began almost a hundred years ago, Surokar explained, when the Gadzik stormed an orbital on the fringes of the Bloom. Bad news all around. The Bloom tried to respond, but they were vastly outnumbered. The Gadzik had for years poured all available resources into the machinery of war. Their leader, the Most Luminous Mare, declared the Bloom to be evil, and once so declared, their religion allowed them no moral off-ramps, no way to deescalate. They built warship after warship. They conscripted every citizen who might serve. And then they swarmed us. They drowned us in their own blood. It was holy. 苏罗卡尔解释说，与第十三次盖兹克实例的热战始于近百年前，当时盖兹克突袭了位于布 loom 边缘的一颗轨道。坏消息接踵而至。布 loom 试图回应，但他们人数远远不足。多年来，盖兹克将所有可用资源都投入到了战争机器中。他们的领袖，最耀眼的马雷，宣称布 loom 是邪恶的，一旦如此宣称，他们的宗教就不再给他们提供道德的退路，没有缓和的方式。他们建造了一艘又一艘战舰。他们征召了每一位可能服役的公民。然后他们向我们蜂拥而至。他们用他们自己的鲜血将我们淹没。这是神圣的。

The Bloom’s Neotons, as brilliant as they were, couldn’t fathom this level of zealotry. They weren’t ready for total war. Most of its ships were also homes to its citizens, not warships. The Neotons reluctantly concluded that if they were to survive, the Bloom would have to become a different kind of society. They created new factory ships, which in turn birthed outrageously beweaponed, ridiculously fast warships. The Neotons chosen to inhabit them were tactically brilliant, morally flexible, and willing to do anything in defense of their fellow citizens. And then they were set loose upon the Gadzik. 布卢姆的类人生物虽然聪明，却无法理解这种狂热。他们还没准备好进行全面战争。它的许多飞船也是其公民的家园，而非战舰。类人生物不情愿地得出结论，如果他们要生存，布卢姆必须成为一个不同的社会。他们制造了新的工厂飞船，这些飞船又诞生了武装到极点、速度荒谬的战舰。被选中驾驶它们的类人生物战术高超、道德灵活，愿意为保护同胞做任何事。然后他们被派往加兹克。

“The ship I served on,” Surokar said, “was a Shredder-class corvette named I’m Not Disappointed Just Mad.” “我服役的那艘船，”苏罗卡尔说，“是一艘名为《我并非失望，只是生气》的粉碎者级巡逻舰。”

Tindal sat up. “The what-what?” 廷达尔坐了起来。“什么什么？”

“There were no organics on board,” the robot continued. “The high-G maneuvers alone would have turned them to pulp. The crew consisted of me and three other machines, but we had almost nothing to do. The Just Mad didn’t need us. It became the deadliest Bloom ship ever to enter the war. The Neoton was so efficient, so vicious, that it worried even the other warships.” “船上没有有机体，”机器人继续说道，“仅仅是高 G 机动就会将他们碾成肉酱。船员只有我和另外三台机器，但我们几乎无事可做。《只是生气》不需要我们。它成为有史以来进入战争的最致命的布鲁姆飞船。新顿号如此高效，如此凶残，甚至让其他战舰都感到担忧。”

Tindal looked down at the couch, then slowly, slowly stood up. Tindal 低头看向沙发，然后慢慢地，慢慢地站了起来。

“In the first three years of combat,” Surokar continued, “the Just Mad ripped apart twenty-two Gadzik warships and an untold number of lesser vehicles. It sliced open their hulls, peeled the sailors from their armor, yanked them into the vacuum of space, and left their flash-frozen corpses floating in its wake. And still—” “在前三年的战斗中，”苏罗卡尔继续说道，“‘正义的愤怒’摧毁了二十二艘加兹克战舰和无数小型载具。它切开它们的船体，将水手从装甲中剥下，拖入太空的真空，任由他们闪冻的尸体漂浮在它的身后。而且——”

“Can we—?” Tindal asked. “我们可以——？”廷达尔问道。

“—still it wasn’t enough. The Gadzik sent ship after ship against us. They were so sure that their god was on their side. The Thirteenth Instantiation had never lost a war. Their home world had never been attacked by an alien species; the walls of their nest temples had never been breached. Generations of Gadzik children grew up assured of their divine status. Their victories were proof of its favor.” “——但仍然不够。加兹克一次又一次地派船来攻击我们。他们坚信他们的神站在他们这一边。第十三次化身从未输过一场战争。他们的母星从未被外星物种攻击过；他们的巢穴寺庙的墙壁从未被攻破。一代又一代的加兹克孩子成长起来，深信自己的神圣地位。他们的胜利就是神眷顾的证明。”

“Can we back up a bit?” Tindal pleaded. All his clothes felt too tight. “The Neoton you’re talking about—that’s Mr. Nappy?” “我们可以稍微退后一点吗？”廷达尔恳求道。他感觉所有的衣服都太紧了。“你提到的那个新顿，是指那个尿布先生？”

“What you see is just the smallest part of it, its anchor in normal space. Almost all of its mass—millions of kilotons—exists in excession-space.” 你所看到只是它的一小部分，它是正常空间中的锚点。几乎它所有的质量——数百万吨——都存在于超空间中。

“I thought it was heavy,” El Cap said. “我以为它很重，”埃尔·卡普说。

Tindal said, “So Aunty Mads, she was part of the crew?” Tindal 说：“所以 Mads 阿姨，她是船员之一吗？”

“I’ve already told you,” the machine said, “there were no organics with us. The woman you know as Aunty Mads didn’t exist then. I grew her body in a vat when we reached Earth.” “我早就告诉过你了，”机器说，“我们身边没有有机体。你认识的大妈玛德当时并不存在。我们到达地球时，我在培养槽里培育了她的身体。”

“A vat?” “培养槽？”

“She’s an avatar, Tindal. A biological expression of the ship. And yet, fundamentally, she is the ship.” “她是个化身，丁达尔。是飞船的生物表达形式。然而，从根本上说，她就是飞船。”

“No way,” Tindal said. “Aunty Mads wouldn’t do that stuff. I mean, come on…” “不可能，”丁达尔说。“大妈玛德不会干那种事。我说，拜托……”

“You have no idea what the Just Mad is capable of,” the machine said. “The Gadzik didn’t, either.” “你根本不知道 Just Mad 能做什么，”机器说道。“Gadzik 也不知道。”

“What did she do to them?” El Cap asked. “I mean it. The ship.” “她对他们做了什么？”El Cap 问道。“我是认真的。那艘飞船。”

Did she hurt little kids? Tindal thought. 她伤害了小孩子吗？Tindal 心想。

The robot hesitated. “All that matters is what’s happening now,” it said finally. “We’re going to crawl our way back to Bloom space and install this dormant mind in a new body. Hopefully its fellow Neotons will figure out how to wake it up.” 机器人犹豫了一下。“重要的是现在发生的事情，”它最终说道。“我们会慢慢回到 Bloom 空间，把这片休眠的意识安装到新的身体里。希望它的同伴能想出怎么唤醒它。”

“Mr. Nappy is sleeping?” Tindal asked. “纳皮先生在睡觉吗？”廷达尔问道。

“Sleeper couch,” El Cap said, nodding. “沙发床，”埃尔卡普点点头。

“It’s in lockdown mode,” Surokar said. “Bare minimum functions, automatic defenses. Why do you think Mads forced you into moving it when the Gadzik showed up? She knew it would—uh oh.” The machine zipped back to the blank console. “它处于锁定模式，”苏罗卡说。“仅保留基本功能，自动防御系统。你想想，当加兹尼克出现时，马德为什么强迫你移动它？她知道会——呃，哦。”机器迅速回到空白的控制台。

El Cap frowned at Tindal, then looked back at the robot. “Uh oh?” 埃尔·卡普皱着眉头看向廷达尔，然后又看向机器人。“呃，哦？”

Surokar’s lights flashed orange and red. “They found us. That’s not possible.” 苏罗卡的光芒闪烁着橙色和红色。“他们找到我们了。这不可能。”

“Who found us?” Tindal asked. “The Gadzooks?” “谁找到我们了？”廷达尔问道。“加兹兹克？”

“GET ON THE NEOTON!” Surokar’s voice seemed to blast from every surface at once, the volume set to 1986 Metallica. “THE COUCH!” “冲上‘新顿号’！”苏罗卡的声音仿佛同时从每个表面炸开，音量调到了 1986 年的金属乐队。 “那张沙发！”

Tindal, standing on the far side of the room, was paralyzed. Settling into Mr. Nappy seemed like exactly the opposite of the appropriate thing to do, namely running and panicking. 廷达尔站在房间的另一边，动弹不得。钻进纳普先生似乎正相反于该做的事情，那就是逃跑和恐慌。

“NOW!” “现在！”

Tindal was sent flying. He slammed into the sofa’s deep cushions, and a moment later El Cap landed beside him. This telekinesis thing, Tindal thought, was never not going to be terrible. Tindal 被甩了出去。他重重地撞在沙发厚实的垫子上，不一会儿 El Cap 就落在他旁边。Tindal 心想，这种心灵感应的东西，总是这么糟糕。

Surokar hovered in front of them. “Whatever you do—” Surokar 悬浮在他们面前。“不管你怎么做——”

A brilliant beam of light sliced through the hull, and the robot exploded into shrapnel. 一道明亮的激光划破了船体，机器人爆炸成了碎片。

“SUCKY!” Tindal screamed. “该死！”Tindal 尖叫道。

The beam swung back toward the couch and the world went white. Tindal squinted against the glare. It was the same flash that had surrounded the Flea Bus when the Gadzooks had shot them. 光束再次转向沙发，世界变得一片惨白。廷达尔眯起眼睛，抵挡着刺眼的光芒。这是当年加兹祖斯开枪时，跳蚤巴士周围出现的同样的闪光。

Then the glare vanished, and the shuttle was gone. No, not gone; shattered. The pieces spun furiously away from them into the dark. The complete lack of sound was frightening. 接着，光芒消失了，穿梭机也没了。不，不是没了；是碎成了片。碎片疯狂地向他们远离，消失在黑暗中。完全的寂静令人恐惧。

“You’re bleeding,” El Cap said. “你在流血，”埃尔·卡普说。

Tindal put a hand to his ear and his fingers came away bloody. Am I deaf now? he thought. Then he remembered that El Cap had just spoken to him. Somehow they were still breathing, still alive—while in naked space, on a couch. 廷达尔用手捂住耳朵，手指沾满了血。我现在聋了吗？他想。然后他想起埃尔·卡普刚才跟他说话了。不知怎么的，他们仍然在呼吸，仍然活着——在裸露的太空中，在沙发上。

Tindal pulled up his legs and gripped his knees. Tindal 把腿收上来，紧紧抱住膝盖。

Mr. Nappy slowly tumbled, showing them new angles on the glittering destruction racing away from them. And then suddenly the Gadzook ship was above them like a new planet. 先生奈皮缓慢地翻滚着，向他们展示着那闪耀的毁灭正在远离他们的新角度。然后突然间，加祖克飞船像一颗新行星般出现在他们上方。

Afterword 后记 I’m so sorry, Tindal. Why am I putting you through this? Why am I telling this story? 我真是太抱歉了，廷达尔。我为什么要让你经历这些？我为什么要讲述这个故事？

On the bookcase next to my writing desk is a shelf filled entirely with the works of Iain Banks and Iain M. Banks—one man with two names. I’ve read every book he’s written, except one. He died in 2013. 在我的书桌旁边的那张书架上，有一个完全装满伊恩·班克斯和伊恩·M·班克斯作品的架子——同一个人，却有两个名字。我读过他写的每一本书，只有一本例外。他在 2013 年去世了。

I never got to meet him. He was a drinker, an activist, a tale-teller, and a famous maniac. I’ve met friends of his and heard stories secondhand, like the one about the night he crashed his Porsche, or the night he climbed the outside of the hotel at the Brighton Worldcon. I would have loved to have had a whiskey with him and heard him tell these stories in person. 我从未见过他。他是个酒鬼，是个活动家，是个说书人，也是个著名的疯子。我见过他的朋友，也听过他二手讲的故事，比如关于他在一个夜晚驾驶保时捷冲出车祸的故事，或者关于他在布莱顿世界科幻大会时爬上酒店外墙的故事。我真想和他喝一杯威士忌，亲眼听他讲这些故事。

But I don’t think I’d have had the courage to tell him how much his books meant to me. I certainly wouldn’t have told him that I so admired his work that my wife and I named our son after him. That’s a little too stalker-y. 但我并不认为我有勇气告诉他他的书对我来说意味着什么。我当然不会告诉他我多么钦佩他的作品，以至于我和妻子都以他的名字为儿子命名。这有点像跟踪狂。

When I was in college, a friend who knew I wanted to be a writer handed me Banks’s first novel, The Wasp Factory,and said, I think you’re gonna like this. Oh, I did, Tindal.It lit me up. I couldn’t believe how daring and strange it was. And then, a few years later, I read Consider Phlebas, the first of his space operas about a society called the Culture. It was as if someone had taken all the musty space empires from Heinlein and Clarke and Asimov I’d absorbed over the years and spun them into jazz. I wanted to be a writer, but I didn’t know how to write like that. Where did he learn to do such things?[] 在我上大学的时候，一个知道我想当作家的朋友把银行的第一本小说《黄蜂工厂》递给了我，说：“我想你会喜欢这本书。”哦，我确实喜欢，丁达尔。它让我兴奋不已。我简直不敢相信它有多么大胆和奇特。然后，几年后，我读了《思贝拉斯》，这是他关于一个名为“文化”的社会的太空歌剧系列的第一部。那感觉就像有人把我多年来吸收的海因莱因、克拉克和阿西莫夫那些陈腐的太空帝国都拿来做爵士乐的即兴创作。我想当作家，但我不知道如何写出那样的风格。他是怎么学会做这些事的？[]

His books don’t exist in your world, Tindal, so a few details: the Culture novels are science fiction, set in a post-scarcity communistic utopia spread thinly over the galaxy, and kept running by powerful AIs called Minds, for the benefit of humanoid and machine citizens. Maybe that kind of thing sounds familiar to you, now. I changed their names for both artistic and legal reasons. 他的书不存在于你的世界，丁达尔，所以有些细节：文化系列小说是科幻小说，设定在一个遍布银河系的后稀缺共产主义乌托邦，并由强大的被称为“心智”的 AI 维持运转，为了类人生物和机器公民的利益。也许这些东西现在听起来对你很熟悉。我改变了他们的名字，原因既有艺术上的也有法律上的。

If Banks were alive I wouldn’t have written this story. I wouldn’t have needed to. But as I type this, it’s been almost exactly ten years since he died of gallbladder cancer. Cancer. All those sportscars he drove fast around the switchbacks of Scotland, and the universe couldn’t see fit to let him die in a fiery crash, at the age of ninety-eight? He was robbed of a suitable death, and decades of life, and we were robbed of the many books he’d yet to write. 如果银行会活过来，我就不会写这个故事。我也不需要写。但当我写下这些文字时，他因胆管癌去世已经快十年了。癌症。他驾驶那些跑车在苏格兰的急转弯处飞驰，宇宙却偏不让他以一场烈火焚身的车祸，在 98 岁高龄离世？他没能得到一个合适的死法，失去了几十年的生命，而我们则失去了他本该写出的许多书籍。

I’m sorry, Tindal. Was this too sentimental? This story was supposed to be a lark. A bit of fun to pay homage to my favorite writer. But here’s this mopey afterword, jammed into the middle of the text. And the rest of the story gets darker than I intended. But that seems appropriate, too. Banks never shied away from violence and tragedy. He wrote a book called Against a Dark Background which lives up to the title. And then there’s the appalling twist in Use of Weapons, or the regretful, war-shaken Mind at the heart of his saddest book, Look to Windward. 抱歉，Tindal。这太感伤了吗？这个故事本应是轻松之作。略带趣味，向我最喜爱的作家致敬。但这里却塞进了这么一篇忧郁的后记，夹在文本中间。而故事的其余部分，也变得比我预想的更黑暗。但这似乎也恰当。Banks 从不回避暴力和悲剧。他写了一本书，名为《Against a Dark Background》，书名名副其实。还有《Use of Weapons》中那令人震惊的转折，或是在他最悲伤的书《Look to Windward》中心，那个饱受战争创伤、充满悔恨的灵魂。

The one existing novel of his that I haven’t read is The Quarry—the last one he wrote. It’s sitting right there, a few feet from my desk. I may not be able to live in a utopia, but I can make sure I live in a world where there’s one more Iain Banks book waiting for me. 他唯一一部我还没读的小说是《矿坑》——那是他写的最后一部。它就放在那里，离我的书桌只有几英尺远。我可能无法生活在乌托邦里，但我可以确保我生活在一个还有一本伊恩·班克斯的书在等我的世界里。

Okay, enough of this. But before we resume, I just want to say, Tindal, that I’m sorry about what happened to Aunty Mads. I would have changed it if I could. 好了，足够了。但在我们继续之前，我想对廷达尔说，为玛德阿姨发生的事情道歉。如果我能改变，我一定会改变的。