酒馆

《妈妈为她离开我的那个女孩》#反乌托邦 In a corporate-run dystopia, a trans girl plucked out of poverty to give birth to a clone meets her replacement. 在一个企业统治的反乌托邦中，一个从贫困中被选中来生育克隆体的跨性别女孩遇到了她的替代者。

BY CAMERON REED | PUBLISHED ON APRIL 2, 2025 Novelette | 8,925 words

The girl that my mother is leaving me for has hair as rich and glossy as a horse chestnut. Her skin is ivory and her eyes are emerald green. Her belly is slightly round, and that’s what matters. 我母亲要离开我给的那个女孩，她的头发像马栗一样浓密光亮。她的皮肤是象牙白，眼睛是祖母绿。她的肚子微微隆起，这就够了。

“This is beautiful,” she says. She’s holding up a fabric sample, deep green embroidered with gold. I wore green at my adoption too. I’ll wear black to be abandoned. She slips the little square of cloth into my hand. It’s soft like the silk it is, but her voice is softer. “这很美，”她说。她举着一块织物样品，深绿色的上面绣着金色。我收养的时候也穿了绿色。我会穿黑色来被抛弃。她把那小块布料塞进我手里。它像丝绸一样柔软，但她的声音更温柔。

We’re on the ninety-first floor of the tower. Outside the window, a woman walks by on the skyway, a guard. She’s strong and tall—guard bodies are all made that way. The skyway’s narrow and there’s no handrail, but she isn’t bothered, because her bare feet stick tight to the smooth glass. Her eyes scan for tiny drones, for cameras ordinary people couldn’t see, signs of espionage or attack. Another guard passes her going the other way; she smiles like she’s greeting a friend. I don’t know if the smile is real. People whose minds are put into enhanced bodies always say they feel the same as ever. But maybe they just don’t remember what it’s like to feel at all. 我们身处塔楼的九十一层。窗外，一名女警正沿着人行道走过，她身形高大，体格强健——警员们都是这样。人行道狭窄，没有扶手，但她毫不在意，因为她赤裸的双脚紧紧贴合着光滑的玻璃。她的目光扫视着微小的无人机，那些普通人无法察觉的摄像头，寻找着间谍活动或袭击的迹象。另一位警员从相反方向经过她身边；她像是在问候朋友一样微笑着。我不知道这微笑是否真诚。那些心智被植入强化身体的人总是说他们感觉和从前一样。但也许他们只是已经忘记了感受是什么滋味。

Far from this tower, people are living in slums and in camps, starving because the world is broken. I don’t want to starve in a slum or a camp. If I’m cast out, that’s probably where I’ll end up. I could beg the new daughter, Mira, not to take my mother from me, but what would be the point? She doesn’t want to starve either. She’s already carrying my mother’s child. So I can’t stop what’s going to happen. But if I am very obedient—if I smile when I’m disowned, applaud when Mira is adopted in my place, and even help to plan the double ceremony—maybe my mother will find some kind of job for me. 远离这座塔，人们在贫民窟和营地中生活，因为世界已经崩溃。我不想在贫民窟或营地中挨饿。如果我被打发出去，那很可能就是我的结局。我可以向新来的女儿米拉求情，让她不要从我这里带走母亲，但这有什么意义呢？她也不想挨饿。她已经在怀我的母亲的孩子了。所以，我无法阻止即将发生的事情。但如果我非常听话——如果我被打发出去时面带微笑，在我被米拉取代时鼓掌，甚至帮助策划双重仪式——也许我的母亲会为我找到某种工作。

“Has she set a date yet?” I ask. “她定日期了吗？”我问。

“Not till September, when I’ll be six months. She wants to be sure.” “还没，要等到九月，那时我就六个月了。她想确保一切。”

“You’re already further along than I ever got.” “你已经有我当年没达到的进展了。”

She makes a sympathetic face. “They say sometimes it’s harder when you were born a man.” 她露出同情的表情。“他们说有时候，当你出生时是男人，会变得更难。”

I should smile and agree, yes, that’s so, but I can’t help myself. “That’s a myth,” I say. “And I was born a baby.” 我应该微笑着同意，是的，就是这样，但我忍不住。我说：“那是个神话。” “而且我生来就是个婴儿。”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean anything.” “对不起。我无意冒犯。”

I can’t bring myself to apologize. But I pick up a square of fabric, an amethyst jacquard. “This one is pretty too.” 我无法开口道歉。但我拿起一块织物，是紫水晶提花织物。“这个也很漂亮。”

She smiles and she agrees. 她微笑着同意了。

My mother is the CEO of Griffin Corporation, the third of her line. Every Griffin CEO adopts a daughter. Every daughter bears a child who is the Founder’s clone, and raises her in just the same way the Founder was raised. When the CEO retires, the clone takes over. In this way every CEO of Griffin is the same. 我的母亲是格里芬公司的 CEO，是她家族的第三代。每一位格里芬 CEO 都会收养一个女儿。每位女儿都会生下创始人的克隆体，并以创始人被抚养的方式将她抚养长大。当 CEO 退休时，克隆体会接替。就这样，每一位格里芬 CEO 都是一样的。

The Founder’s mother grew up poor but she still managed to start college. So my mother went through all the records of scholarship students, and I was the one that she wanted to see. She was a woman in a suit behind a desk, no older than thirty, I thought. Her hair was pulled back in a perfect twist with not a strand left free. It was red-brown, almost the same shade as mine. She didn’t look like my real mother, didn’t really look like me—her face was more pinched, eyes were a pure green where mine have brown around the iris—but close enough that someone might have assumed we were relatives. That was the idea. I’d tell people the clone was my genetic daughter, and it would be easy for them to believe. 创始人的母亲出身贫寒，但她还是设法上了大学。所以我的母亲查阅了所有奖学金学生的记录，而我就成了她想见到的人。我想她是一位穿着西装坐在桌后的女性，不超过三十岁。她的头发一丝不苟地盘成一个完美的螺旋，没有一根头发是散乱的。是红棕色的，几乎和我一样。她不像我的亲生母亲，也不太像我——她的脸更紧绷，眼睛是纯粹的绿色，而我的眼睛虹膜周围是棕色的——但相似到有人可能会以为我们是亲戚。这就是想法。我会告诉人们克隆体是我的基因女儿，他们很容易相信。

The CEO told me she was impressed I started on hormones so early, even though I was poor and an orphan. She said that showed determination. I spent years pleading for help while my body changed in the wrong direction, until somebody finally listened—that’s what she considered early. But I smiled and I agreed. CEO 告诉我，她对我这么早就开始用激素感到印象深刻，尽管我贫穷且是孤儿。她说这显示了决心。我在身体朝错误方向变化的过程中花了数年恳求帮助，直到终于有人听说了——这就是她所谓的“早”。但我笑了笑，并同意了。

She said I would have to leave school, because the Founder’s mother did. I’d marry a woman, because she did that too. If I had a fiancée in mind, she would have to be vetted. If I didn’t, the company would find a bride. We could stay in the tower till the baby was born, rent-free with everything provided. Then all three of us would live for eighteen years in costume poverty. We’d have a little apartment, shabby and in bad repair, but the building would be solid and fireproof, free of mold, and every person in it screened for safety by the company. Enhanced guards would watch over me discreetly on the train to my low-level corporate job. The baby would go to a charity clinic, where fancy doctors volunteering just for that day would check her health. Also my mother would make sure we always had enough to eat. It was easier to eat, back in the Founder’s time. 她说我必须辍学，因为创始人的母亲也那样做了。我会娶一个女人，因为她也是这么做的。如果我心里有未婚妻，她必须经过审查。如果没有，公司会为我找个新娘。我们可以在塔里住到孩子出生，租金全免，一切费用都由公司承担。然后我们三个人会穿着破旧的衣服，过上十八年的贫穷生活。我们会有一套小公寓，虽然破旧且需要修缮，但建筑坚固、防火、无霉菌，而且公司会为里面的人进行安全筛查。增强的安保人员会在我去低级公司职位的火车上，偷偷地保护我。孩子会被送到慈善诊所，那里有特意来当志愿医生的富家医生为她检查健康。而且我母亲会确保我们永远有足够的食物。在创始人的时代，吃饭要容易得多。

“The point,” she said, “is that it will feel real to her, as it did to the Founder. But sickness and malnutrition could cause lasting damage, and I won’t allow that.” “关键在于，”她说，“这对她来说会感觉很真实，就像对创始人那样。但是疾病和营养不良可能会造成永久性的损伤，我不会允许发生那种事。”

I missed meals as a child, inhaled all kinds of spores, didn’t see doctors when I should have. But I didn’t complain that she was calling me damaged. I’m not that big a fool. 我小时候经常错过饭，吸入各种各样的孢子，本该看医生的时候也没去看。但我从没抱怨过她叫我残废。我可不是那么傻。

The CEO explained the rest. At eighteen my daughter would go off to college. At the end of the school year, she would be told we both died in an accident, because the Founder’s mothers did. She wouldn’t come home for our death, because her school wouldn’t let her defer her exams—Griffin money would make sure they didn’t. So there’d be no need to stage a funeral, I wouldn’t have to lie still in a coffin. I’d have a lifetime stipend. I’d be free. CEO 解释了剩下的部分。我十八岁的时候，女儿会去上大学。学年末，她会被告知我和她都死于一场事故，因为创始人的母亲们也是这样。她不会回家参加我们的葬礼，因为她的学校不允许她推迟考试——格里芬的钱会确保他们不会同意。所以就不需要举办葬礼，我不用躺在棺材里装死。我会有一笔终身的津贴。我会获得自由。

I was wondering why the CEO didn’t just move into a new body before she could get old, like every other rich person who’s terrified of death. Of course I didn’t say that, but she must have guessed what I was thinking. 我在想，为什么 CEO 没有像其他那些害怕死亡的有钱人一样，在变老之前就换个新身体。当然，我没说出口，但她一定猜到了我在想什么。

“To change bodies is to change perspectives. To age is to change too, even when you cheat the wrinkles by adopting a new face. I’ll move on from this body when I need to, and that’s when your child will take over the company. She’ll have the same body as I did, the same fire, the same spark of youth, the same mind. But all of that depends on you to raise her right.” “变换身体就是变换视角。变老也是变化，即使你通过换脸来欺骗皱纹。我会在需要的时候离开这个身体，那时你的孩子就会接管公司。她将拥有和我一样的身体，一样的热情，一样的青春火花，一样的心智。但这一切都取决于你正确地教育她。”

It was a better life than I was going to get out of a college degree. So I gave up my scholarship and moved into the tower. My mother paid for my surgery. I think she liked the idea of buying a clean new lab-grown reproductive system, instead of using one that some poor person had been walking around with. That’s what I’d always wanted. Not to throw away this body for a new one, but to heal it. Me, but made right. 这比我通过大学学位能获得的生活要好。所以我放弃了奖学金，搬进了这座塔。我母亲支付了我的手术费。我想她喜欢买一个干净的新人造生殖系统，而不是使用一个某个穷人一直在身上的旧系统。这就是我一直想要的。不是为了抛弃这个身体换取一个新身体，而是要修复它。变回真正的我。

Then I miscarried three times, and that was it, I’d missed my chance. The Founder was born when her mother was twenty, and now it was too late to meet the deadline. So my mother found another girl. Probably she found a few. After my failure, she would want to hedge her bets. 然后我连续三次流产，就这样，我错过了机会。创始人出生时她母亲二十岁，而现在已经太晚赶不上截止日期了。所以我的母亲找到了另一个女孩。可能她找到了几个。在我失败之后，她会想要多手准备。

There’s no reason she couldn’t have had both of us as daughters. It’s not like I’d inherit anything—only a clone can be her heir. But my mother likes things tidy, and she doesn’t want the stink of failure clinging to her. So I’m being traded in for Mira of the auburn hair, patient and demure, everything I pretended to be. Just look at her, it’s obvious I can’t compete. 她本可以同时拥有我们两个作为女儿。我并不会继承任何东西——只有克隆体才能成为她的继承人。但我的母亲喜欢整洁，她不想让失败的气息沾染在她身上。所以我要被交换给那个红发、耐心而文静的米拉，那正是我假装成为的样子。看看她吧，很明显我无法与她竞争。

Mira has decided to sew her own dress, to have something to do. I tell her she should sit back and enjoy the idleness—it’s the last rest she is going to get for eighteen years. She says she likes to keep her hands busy. I iron the pieces of the sewing pattern flat for her so she can pin them out. At fourteen weeks it isn’t like she couldn’t stand up at an ironing board, but I want to be helpful. I’m living in these rooms on borrowed time, as a companion until Mira gets adopted and married. I should look like I’m useful, so nobody gets the idea of kicking me out early. 米拉决定自己缝制一件衣服，好有事可做。我告诉她应该放松下来享受这份无所事事——这是她十八年来最后一次休息了。她说她喜欢让双手忙碌起来。我帮她把缝纫图纸熨平，这样她就可以钉出来了。在怀孕十四周的时候，她其实完全可以自己站在熨衣板前，但我还是想帮上忙。我住在这间屋子里，是暂时的陪伴，直到米拉被领养并结婚。我应该看起来很有用，这样就没有人会觉得提前把我赶走。

I remember being alone here, having no one but the guards to talk to. Mira shouldn’t have to live like that. Most of the guards are nice and you can learn a lot from them, but some of what you learn’s depressing. Usually borrowing money to take an enhanced body was the only way they could find work. Then most of every payday goes toward servicing the debt. 我记得曾独自一人待在这里，身边只有卫兵可以交谈。米拉不该过那样的生活。大多数卫兵都很好，你可以从他们那里学到很多东西，但有些你所学到的东西令人沮丧。通常，他们能找到的唯一工作方式就是借钱来购买强化身体。然后，他们大部分的工资都会用来偿还债务。

I know Mira met her future wife today. She’s been quiet since she came home and she hasn’t mentioned it. I watch her push pin after pin into the fabric and the paper, slipping each point underneath, then making it come up again. She makes me feel silly and idle, but I like watching her slender fingers. How they move, how they tense and then relax. Now and then she looks at me and smiles. 我知道 Mira 今天遇到了她的未来妻子。她回家后就一直很安静，也没提起这件事。我看着她把一根根别针往布料和纸上插，把针尖滑到下面，然后又让它们冒出来。她让我觉得有些傻气和无聊，但我喜欢看她纤细的手指。它们是如何移动，如何绷紧又放松。她时不时地看看我，对我微笑。

“How did you like her?” I ask, finally. “你觉得她怎么样？”我终于问道。

“She seems nice.” “她看起来挺不错的。”

“When are you going to be married?” “你什么时候结婚？”

“The same day I become the CEO’s daughter. Adoption in the morning, wedding in the afternoon. It’s to save money, I think. They can put all the leftover food in the fridge and serve it cold at the reception.” “等我成为 CEO 女儿的那一天。早上领养，下午结婚。我想是为了省钱吧。他们可以把剩下的食物都放进冰箱，在招待会上冷盘招待。”

Mira thinks this is funny for some reason. I guess if you want to fit in with the rich kids, you treat food conservation like a joke. I never bothered trying, I wouldn’t have fit in anyway. 米拉不知为何觉得这很有趣。我想如果你想融入富家子弟的圈子，就把食物节约当作一个玩笑。我从来懒得尝试，反正我也不会融入进去的。

“What’s her name?” I ask. “她叫什么名字？”我问。

“Colleen.” “科尔 leen。”

It’s a small kitchen and as her belly gets bigger, it seems to get smaller. When we cook together—which for some reason she wants to do more often—she’s always brushing my arm as she reaches past me for something on the counter. Touching a hand to the small of my back to let me know she’s passing by, so I won’t bump into her. She acts like she doesn’t mind being so crowded together, but I try to keep out of her way. 这是一个小厨房，随着她的肚子越来越大，感觉也越来越小。当我们一起做饭时——不知为何她想要做这件事的次数越来越多——她总是在我伸手去够厨房台面上的东西时，轻轻刷过我的手臂。她把手放在我的后腰处，告诉我她要经过，这样我就不会撞到她。她好像不介意这么挤在一起，但我尽量避开她的路。

Today Mira baked bread, so I make us a soup. We didn’t get the carrots we asked for, another crop failure, I guess. But I have a broth I made from tops and peels before, and there are lots of potatoes and even some beef. It’s not as good as it would have been, but it’s okay. 今天米拉烤了面包，所以我给我们做汤。我们没有买到我们想要的胡萝卜，又是收成失败，我猜。但我之前用菜叶和果皮做了一锅汤，还有许多土豆，甚至还有一些牛肉。它没有我想象中那么好，但还可以。

Mira’s always nice about my cooking, even though hers is better. She was sixteen when her parents died, she’d had a chance to learn these things. My real mother died still thinking I was a boy. 米拉对我的厨艺总是很客气，尽管她的厨艺更好。她父母去世时她才十六岁，她有机会学习这些。我的亲生母亲去世时，还以为我是个男孩。

There’s a table in the kitchen but we hardly use it. Mira likes to curl up on the couch, balancing her soup bowl on her plate, her legs tucked up beside her. And she likes me to be next to her—if I try to sit down somewhere else, she’ll call me over. I know her feet swell at the end of the day now. I wish I dared to ask to rub them. I wish we could stay here forever, making our little meals and being alone. But I’ll see her for the last time at her wedding. After that, Colleen moves in. 厨房里有一张桌子，但我们几乎不用。米拉喜欢蜷缩在沙发上，把汤碗放在盘子上，双腿蜷缩在旁边。她喜欢我挨着她——如果我试着坐到别处，她会叫我过去。我知道她现在每天晚上脚会肿。我真希望我敢问她能不能帮我揉揉。我真希望我们能永远待在这里，做我们的便餐，享受独处。但我会最后一次见到她是在她的婚礼上。之后，科尔 leen 就要搬进来了。

She puts her plate down on the table, stretches out her leg, nudges my knee with her bare toe. “What are you thinking about now?” 她把盘子放在桌上，伸直腿，用光着的脚趾碰了碰我的膝盖。“你在想什么呢？”

“The wedding,” I say, which is true. “在想你婚礼的事，”我说，这是真的。

“Well, don’t. Do something useful. Rub my feet.” “好吧，别想了。做点有用的事。给我揉揉脚。”

I don’t think Mira’s happy with Colleen. They’ve met four times now and she’s always quiet after. I asked what the girl looked like and she changed the subject. If she refused to marry her, would my mother find somebody else? Probably, but she’d be irritated. It’s not smart to defy her just because you don’t think your bride’s pretty enough, or whatever. I don’t know if Mira understands that. 我不觉得 Mira 对 Colleen 满意。他们已经见过四次了，之后她总是很安静。我问那个女孩长什么样，她却转移了话题。如果她拒绝嫁给她，我妈妈会不会找到别人？可能会的，但她会生气。不管怎样，都不明智，因为你不喜欢你的新娘不够漂亮，或者诸如此类。我不知道 Mira 是否明白这一点。

We’re sitting on the couch. She’s sewing, and I’m watching her. We had a good meal and we ought to be happy. She’s nervous, and she’s been nervous for days. 我们坐在沙发上。她在缝纫，我在看着她。我们吃了一顿丰盛的晚餐，本该很快乐。她很紧张，已经紧张好几天了。

“It’s natural to worry now,” I tell her. “Once you’re married you’ll get to know her better.” “现在担心很正常，”我告诉她。“一旦你结婚了，你会更了解她的。”

“It’s not that,” Mira says. She’s staring at her sewing and not working on it. “Do you like living here? I mean, do you like living here with me?” “不是那个原因，”米拉说。她盯着她的缝纫，却没有在缝纫。“你喜欢住在这里吗？我是说，你喜欢和我住在这里吗？”

“Of course I do. I wish it could go on forever.” “当然喜欢。我希望它能永远持续下去。”

“What if it could? Not the here, but the with me?” “如果它真的可以呢？不是在这里，而是和我在一起呢？”

This makes me shiver but it’s perilously close to treason. I’m sure there are bugs in these rooms—probably cameras too. If my mother thinks I’m tempting Mira out of her prescribed marriage, I don’t know what she’ll do. 这让我不寒而栗，但这几乎等同于叛国。我确信这些房间里都有窃听器——可能还有摄像头。如果我的母亲认为我在引诱米拉脱离她规定的婚姻，我不知道她会做什么。

“We can’t,” is all I dare to say. “我们不能，”这是我敢说的全部。

She puts her sewing down and finally looks at me, and I can see that she’s afraid. Of Colleen? I consider carefully what I can get away with saying. 她放下缝纫活，终于看着我，我能看出她害怕。是害怕科尔伦吗？我仔细考虑自己能说什么而不至于惹麻烦。

“If something’s wrong with Colleen that could affect the baby—” “如果科林有影响到宝宝的问题——”

“No, nothing like that. I like her well enough, I guess. I just don’t feel the way you’re supposed to feel about someone you’re going to marry.” “不，没有那种事。我想我挺喜欢她的。我只是没有那种感觉，你知道的，那种你要和你要结婚的人该有的感觉。”

Oh God, she’s going to back out of the marriage just because it’s not a romance. We’ll both be on the street. Or no, we won’t, because my mother will find some way to threaten her into obedience. But I can be thrown out, and even if I’m not, everything will be much worse for both of us. 哦，上帝啊，她就要因为这不是一段浪漫的感情而退出婚姻了。我们俩都会无家可归。或者不，我们不会，因为我的母亲会找到某种方法威胁她让她听话。但我可能会被赶出去，即使我没有被赶出去，我们俩的情况也会变得糟得多。

“This is a job that you signed up for. It’s for the baby’s sake. You have to think of it that way. The feelings will come after.” “这是你自愿选择的工作。是为了宝宝。你必须这样想。感情会随之而来的。”

“That’s what I thought. But then I met you. I can’t think of marrying anyone else.” “这就是我当时想的。但后来我遇到了你。我再也想不到要和除你之外的任何人结婚。”

She looks into my eyes, and I don’t know what she can possibly be seeing other than panic and disbelief, but whatever it is makes her bold enough to say it. “I love you.” 她凝视着我的眼睛，我不知道她除了恐慌和不相信之外还能看到什么，但无论是什么让她有足够的勇气说出来。“我爱你。”

She kisses me, soft and tentative. I can feel that she’s trembling. This terrifies her, and me too. I never even dared to hope that she could want me. But even as we’re still kissing, as she presses close against me, the certainty sinks in that what she feels now isn’t love. It’s not even desire. It’s only mercy. 她吻了我，温柔而犹豫。我能感觉到她在颤抖。这让她害怕，也让我害怕。我甚至从未敢奢望她能想要我。但即使我们还在接吻，当她紧紧依偎着我时，我意识到她现在感受到的并不是爱。甚至不是欲望。只是怜悯。

I pull away a little. We have to get this right. There are cameras and microphones to worry about. “I love you too,” I say, and it sounds real. 我稍微退开了一点。我们必须把这件事弄对。还要担心摄像头和麦克风。“我也爱你，”我说，听起来很真实。

It’s not like that takes any acting. How could I not love her, when she’s throwing me a lifeline? She’s afraid I’ll be turned out on the street—or maybe she knows I will, my mother might have said something. So she’s offering me a life with her and with the baby. It would be safer for her if she married Colleen, like my mother planned. She’s too good to do that, she’s too kind. 这并不需要演技。她向我伸出手，我怎能不爱她？她担心我会流落街头——或许她知道我会，我母亲可能已经说了什么。所以她要给我一个和她还有孩子一起生活的机会。如果她像我母亲计划的那样嫁给科尔伦，对她来说会更安全。她太善良了，不会做那种事。

She holds tight to me. “I was so worried you’d say no.” She’s stopped trembling, all the tension has gone out of her—it must be visible, for anyone who’s watching. She’s really good at this. 她紧紧抱着我。“我担心你会拒绝。”她不再颤抖，所有的紧张都消失了——这一定很明显，任何在旁边的人都看得出来。她真的很擅长这个。

“I’ll make you a dress for the wedding,” she adds. “我会为你做婚纱的，”她补充道。

I think of saying that technically, she’s supposed to ask me to marry her, but what would be the point? We both know the answer would be yes—it’s not like I have any better options. Instead I say what matters. 我想说，严格来说，她应该问我是否愿意娶她，但这有什么意义呢？我们都知道答案会是“是”——我并没有更好的选择。我反而不说这个，而是说了更重要的事。

“We have to ask my mother first.” “我们得先问我妈妈。”

Mira tells the CEO that we’re in love, words spilling out in an excited nervous rush, sounding younger than she is. She’s so much better at talking to my mother than I am. She even manages to sound contrite when she apologizes for disrupting Griffin’s plans. “I can’t help it,” she says. “You put us together and we fell in love—that seems like fate.” 米拉告诉 CEO 我们相爱了，话语在兴奋又紧张的急流中倾泻而出，听起来比她实际年龄要年轻。她比我擅长和妈妈说话。就连她为打乱格里芬计划而道歉时，也能显得很懊悔。“我控制不住，”她说，“你把我们凑到一起，我们就相爱了——这像是命运。”

I doubt my mother believes in fate and I’m sure she had her answer ready before we walked in here. She gives a practiced sigh and turns her gaze to me. “Well, you’ve been vetted. You already know what’s required of a clone’s parent. Your infertility is no defect in a daughter-in-law—a benefit, even. One of my mothers got pregnant when I was six. Of course it had to be aborted before she could show. The founder never had a sibling.” 我怀疑我妈妈相信命运，而且我肯定在我们走进这里之前她就已经有了答案。她做出一个熟练的叹息，将目光转向我。“好吧，你已经通过了审查。你本来就清楚克隆父母的要求。你的不孕不是儿媳的缺陷——反而是优势。我其中一个妈妈在我六岁时怀了孕。当然，在她能展示之前就必须流产。创始人从未有过兄弟姐妹。”

I wonder if the mother wanted that. I wonder how the CEO found out it happened. 我想知道妈妈是否想要这样。我想知道 CEO 是怎么知道这件事的。

“My mothers were never in love,” she adds. “It’s not essential, obviously, but it might reduce the chances of that kind of complication.” “我的母亲们从未相爱过，”她补充道。“这显然不是必需的，但它可能会降低那种复杂情况发生的几率。”

She pauses, like she’s considering. Was the Founder like this—treating everyone like an object, even herself? Or did that only start when Griffin started raising clones on lies? 她停顿了一下，似乎在考虑。创始人也是这样吗——把每个人都当作对象，甚至包括她自己？还是说，那只在格里芬开始用谎言制造克隆人时才开始？

When did she find out her mothers weren’t really dead, that they took their payoff and abandoned her? When will the child we raise find out? 她什么时候发现她的母亲们其实没有死，她们拿了报酬就抛弃了她？我们抚养的孩子什么时候会发现？

“Very well,” she says. “I’ll give Colleen her walking papers.” “很好，”她说。“我会给科尔琳发离职通知。”

I wish she hadn’t said that. I don’t want to think about somebody else being put out on the street for my sake. Maybe Colleen didn’t give up as much as I did—maybe she still has a life she can go back to. Maybe I just won’t think about it. 我真希望她没说过那句话。我不想想因为我的缘故，还有别人会被赶到街上去。也许科琳娜放弃的比我少——也许她还有可以回去的生活。也许我干脆不想这个了。

Mira and I look grateful and don’t meet each other’s eyes. 米拉和我看起来都很感激，没有互相看对方眼睛。