Today I had a chat with a high school friend.

Throwing back to high school life, we found how stupid and hilarious it looks now. All the words we posted on moment now seem a bit silly and too innocent. But also, this is why it's cherishable.

I can't believe we have done the uni entrance exam for 7 years. Looking back, all I can say is still about how lucky I was. Perhaps just with a more peaceful mind in the exam, I got lucky to avoid tackling the earliest “failure” can be in my life.

Recalling my teenage life, I realize I'm actually living her dream (although I don't think she would dream about I'm doing low-pay marketing now): studying or working abroad, enjoying rich cultural resources, and living without those common social restrictions in the Chinese community.

When I write down these words, I almost want to cry. Maybe it is a bit narcissistic, but I so appreciate myself who fought for all of this. Somehow deep in my mind, I think this is what I got educated and became my understanding of the 'ideal life'.

I feel I have known a lot when I was young, now I am trying to explore what is lying further along the way. I have tried so hard, absorbed whatever knowledge I can to empower myself.

There was a moment I feel a bit dreamy. Are all the days and nights we had in high school real or not? If they were real, why the memory is gradually fading away from my head? The only thing left for me is some inconsistent pieces that randomly appear in the dreams, some blurry moods, and some laughs.

I so love her. Grasping everything to create new life. A new version of me, every day.

It is such a stroke of luck that I can freely learn whatever I want, and freely explore anywhere I want to go.

Good spring is like a dream. On the first day after I handed in the paper, I saw Dems for the first time at the entrance of the cafe. I took off my mask and said hello. He responded with a smile but didn't mean to take off the mask. Time seems to stop at that moment forever, never moving forward.

Certain moments are too precious, I know it is a dream at the moment it happens. Lying under the tree, the wind is shaking its leaves, the grass is bearing its seeds, we don't speak. Watching time flow by us. At eleven o'clock in the evening, on the ground, lying each other's shoulders, groggy, observing American girls in the next coach pole dancing with a wine bottle. Turning and walking out of the subway station, I suddenly realized the last time I came here was on New Year's Eve in 2020. On New Year’s Eve in 2020, watching the high-rise buildings in the financial city sparkle with Happy New Year, listening to the beach house on the radiant road. I just farewell to my first kiss, the future is full of hope, I forwarded Nikki Minaki’s quote on WeChat wish everyone has sex in the new year, I don’t know what I will face this year.

At midnight, we walked all over the street looking for off licence to buy wine. After buying the wine and walking down the street, I was happy to find that neither of us was asked to show our id this time. Maybe he was at the counter and told me what he liked to drink for a long time. Neither of us know what an off licence is, so I asked the shopkeeper in checkout. We came out, laughed and said that it was more appropriate for me to ask with the Asian face. I said, there are too many things the British don’t know. Don’t know that England’s second national anthem is majestic, Don’t know that the 20-pound head is a self-portrait of Turner, and can’t even remember how to spell February. Later, we went home and watched I'm thinking of ending things and drank together, listened to him singing alphabet songs, and was surprised to find that lmnop was in one sentence, this and that.

On the park bench, I said that my parents had very low expectations of me, and I would never be able to meet their expectations. I said my mother had a cold war with me again. I said I chose to stay here alone. Finally he said, thank you for telling me this, it sounds too lonely. Then he took out a bar of orange chocolate from the bag and broke it into two.

Other times, talking about him. Talked his stepfather, talked his sister came out and the younger brother's depression. I tried to take on these topics, trying to hold them securely and calmly.

We saw the fox. I said it was very similar to the scene in fleabag. Later, he gave me a fox warmies to spend the winter. The reason is that Beagle's model has been sold out. I giggled. Holding the fox in the cafe to change the resume, I knew he was taking pictures of me secretly, but pretended not to know. Some of these moments. While in a meeting with tutor, he held my hand outside of Zoom.

You are so kind. I said. I really want to say thank you a thousand times. Without you don't know how to spend this time. But I know that it is natural for you to do this because we support each other. He said, yes, I know you will understand. I do these things not because I am kind, but because I want to create more shared experiences.

Calm judgment, attention to detail and consideration, confrontational power.

Race against time. A few weeks ago we planned to camp together when the weather was still warm, and today the is autumnal equinox. When staying at his house for the first time, next day he woke up and said to would like to go to the Whitechapel Gallery. The current epidemic data made him no longer dare to go to the cafe. Little by little, we collapse, shrink, hug each other tightly, and are as vulnerable as newborn babies. Holding my hand, waited for the traffic lights on the safety island in the middle of the busy traffic. I closed my eyes and imagined that this is a movie I will think of many years later. He said, I am grateful that we can spend this time with each other. Is it just this time?

When I checked the information that day, he asked me if I had seen the The Perks of Being a Wallflower. I said that I liked it very much when I was in middle school, and I posted a monologue on social networks.

So we reviewed the monologue together again, “... I know these will all be stories someday. And our pictures will become old photographs. And we'll all become somebody's mom or dad. But right now, these moments are not stories. This is happening. I am here. And I am looking at her. And she is so beautiful. I can see it. This one moment when you know you're not a sad story. You are alive...

And in this moment, I swear, we are infinite.