Sick of Life
Sick of small talks Sick of pretending I care about work Sick of explaining myself To the manager or senior The context or the reasoning Of why using one data structure over another Sick of poking others for things, unblocking myself If it is really important, why are you ignoring my questions Sick of talking myself into the belief that this work has great impact, push forward
Sick of commuting Sick of public transportations Sick of artificial voice of announcement Sick of sound of card tapping Sick of being aware of the space of the stranger next to you making way for people getting out Sick of scrolling through the transit notifications Sick of group of interns walking so slow on the sidewalk, blocking you with their perky conversations
Sick of social media, notifications Sick of people’s ego-filled, self-righteous opinions all over Sick of podcasts Sick of mindfulness, therapists’ 10 suggestions Sick of ideas with purposefully controversial ideas using polarized words or phrases incenting nothing but arguments Sick of people respond supportively and flatteringly to each other online wow I like that, wow that’s amazing while if you talk to them offline they just seem cold Sick of people commenting on other people’s lives a posteriori as if they had a better choice, or would’ve acted wisely if they were in the same situation ”You could’ve.. “, “I would”
Sick of fingerprints on the phone screen after putting on hand creams
Sick of music and movie critiques
Sick of being judgemental all the time I wish the judgementing voice could stop in my head Literally tiring Draining my brain power and cells Not just about others also onto myself
Postscript: This was written in August when I got stuck in a weird state, when I was filled with too many judgements about every single thing that I encountered. Sick is a strong word, exaggerating a bit for poerty. More like being bored, nonchalantly judgemental, nothing could really light up my interest. This poem was left like this, I deemed it unfinished. But guess I was out of this state long ago. Was also referencing the famous monologue Choose Life from Trainspotting.