kemurichou

I don't fucking know what it is probably just modern life

当代生活 需要unrealized promises堆着推着向前 你需要AI action item 或者 aritificial intelligence 推着假装向前 不要细想某件事实际做到与否 你们的共同敌人是老板 But does that make you friends I don't need no friends in a workspace Another word that has been ruined by this shithole company

每时每刻 我都不觉得自己比一个鸡毛掸子 或者taco stand对社会更有用 有用，为何，又干什么呢？ 你是否如你觉得那般entitled 你是系统一个组件 平庸之恶一份子 你可以 树立一个假想敌 不一定假想，真实存在 房间里一百头大象 任选一只，踩在其上 轻易占据，道德高地 随时随地punch up，向上肘击

你解释便是错误，永无止境 你有那么多选择 为什么不辞职 不 只因统统都被囚禁 健身房里的西绪福斯 平地推拉杠铃片 push and pull 那是系统设计 但先deliver了再说，show your velocity 我觉得不满 我是否可以 有资格底气说 I fucking quit or I just want to game the system

我听你们提到任何一个关键字都烦 但为了生殖系统健康 人生何处都莫置气 莫让肿瘤占据身体 与AI吵架，我迷失于语义 人工智能或者人类does it matter I don't care 谁置于谁的暴力 你是否在意，你的identity 白或黄，男或女，谁也别觉可以逃避

06/01/2026

Sick of Life

Sick of small talks Sick of pretending I care about work Sick of explaining myself To the manager or senior The context or the reasoning Of why using one data structure over another Sick of poking others for things, unblocking myself If it is really important, why are you ignoring my questions Sick of talking myself into the belief that this work has great impact, push forward

Sick of commuting Sick of public transportations Sick of artificial voice of announcement Sick of sound of card tapping Sick of being aware of the space of the stranger next to you making way for people getting out Sick of scrolling through the transit notifications Sick of group of interns walking so slow on the sidewalk, blocking you with their perky conversations

Sick of social media, notifications Sick of people’s ego-filled, self-righteous opinions all over Sick of podcasts Sick of mindfulness, therapists’ 10 suggestions Sick of ideas with purposefully controversial ideas using polarized words or phrases incenting nothing but arguments Sick of people respond supportively and flatteringly to each other online wow I like that, wow that’s amazing while if you talk to them offline they just seem cold Sick of people commenting on other people’s lives a posteriori as if they had a better choice, or would’ve acted wisely if they were in the same situation ”You could’ve.. “, “I would”

Sick of fingerprints on the phone screen after putting on hand creams

Sick of music and movie critiques

Sick of being judgemental all the time I wish the judgementing voice could stop in my head Literally tiring Draining my brain power and cells Not just about others also onto myself

Postscript: This was written in August when I got stuck in a weird state, when I was filled with too many judgements about every single thing that I encountered. Sick is a strong word, exaggerating a bit for poerty. More like being bored, nonchalantly judgemental, nothing could really light up my interest. This poem was left like this, I deemed it unfinished. But guess I was out of this state long ago. Was also referencing the famous monologue Choose Life from Trainspotting.

每次听快乐小分队 记忆都会回到2019年的秋天 天气逐渐凉爽 冬天潜伏在角落 和一些朋友看了几场钉鞋后摇 以及Peter Hook的季节

Luna现场唱了Galaxy 500的歌 散场得到乐队全体签名黑胶 某场后摇吃了一颗大麻软糖 十分钟的歌如同听了一小时 好像也并没有如我期待 让我对音乐感知更敏感

among the gang 有情欲暗潮涌动的男女 事后听到了两人角度的故事 我觉得很有趣

What we didn’t know at that time Ahead of us Was the winter of 2020 Coronavirus 一切都会不一样了

微醺宇宙

微醺的时刻 是离散的宇宙 我常常独自一人在家做饭 配上酒精 熟知合适的计量 让我进入微醺状态 戴着耳机 听循环过不知几遍的歌曲 洗碗、擦桌子、倒垃圾 去垃圾站的路上 遇见或者不遇见邻居 或许ta们看不出 这个人正在和过去每一个微醺时刻 产生连接 暂时忘记生活前后文 思绪流转 沉浸在此刻 回想起之前零碎 借着酒精沉醉在空气里的时刻 那晚夜色如何 电影或演出散场 和同行的人 谈论什么只言片语 抑或是一人在异国他乡街头 试图最大限度感受 这个城市 与我无关的气息

After the show, the crowd

After the show people walk to their transportations The hotness and liveliness of the show were still in the air I like it when the venue was in a park, or in a sports complex When the crowd had to share some amount of walk before they can reach the vehicles or transportations

Once after The XX concert someone started to sing Wonderwall out of nowhere and the crowd sang along

I often observe the crowd after the show Like I never found a perfect crowd to blend in It’s either too Chinese, like 万能青年旅店 or too boomer like Cat Power sings Bob Dylan or too gen-z like Mistki Which is strange, for whatever reason she is popular on TikTok with a teenager crowd, differ from my expectations But punk music always attracts 15-year-olds like Avril Lavigne and Green Day which I listened to at 15

But most often I am among a bunch of tall bald white guys could not see the musicians on the stage doubting what kind of music I am into what is the demography that I share tastes with

People wear the tour shirts holding the merch in their hands talking about the show that just ended Heading to the next stop maybe

I belong to no crowd which is perfectly fine as I am used to being an outsider all the time

I avoid eye contact with human beings outside, but not with dogs

People I bumped into

In sweetgreen downstairs A guy from grad school Who bragged about getting interviews from all big four accounting firms during an sharing session Now ended up doing data analyst in the same tech firm I work for Living with wife, two kids and a Samoyed dog on the east side of this city Needless to say single family house quiet big yard where dogs can enjoy

In New York office The Korean girl from whom I bought a bed It was a sweet second hand deal for a bed I wanted for a while She was moving when I picked up the bed With friends and seemingly a mom sitting on a mattress lying on the ground Chatting in Korean, furnitures pieces spreading all over the apartment

A guy who is a husband of a grad school girl Never met in real life merely recognized from that girl’s SNS pictures Looked him up from company internal website Confirmed Weird I can recognize irrelevant people’s face and names Even from ages ago