Sappho

This is not a genuine diary referring to an honest record of my daily life. Rather, i am regarding it as a instrument to polish my writing skills and attain a higher score in the coming Tofel Exam. However, i still want to remember something, which has been torturing me for quite a long while by the time of my last meeting with my boyfriend. I was a little hesitate about his title, because i am not sure what it really means to be someone's boyfriend or girlfriend. What i do know is that i would definitely like to share everything i am interested in with him, to which i know he would never refute, and i find myself inevitably and helplessly in need of him. i have never been satisfied, especially when i heard him talking about his ex-girlfriend yesterday night. It's hard to recall how we started this embarassing topic, or actually it was me that raised it. He said they had been together for one and a half year, and it was all over. i was feeling extremely upset and i don't why it came like this. i thought i would handle this sort of issue rationally, elegantly and peacefully, just like what it is acted in the tv dramas, but actually i can't.

Sour and painful, My stomach had been twisted together. There was no tear in my eyes because i couldn't make to cry. There is always an ex- issue appearing in my love life, to be more precise, every relationship i was in or i was about to step in. The boy of my emotional attachment whom i had been infatuated and desperately obsessed with for more than three years, had a girlfriend for two years but broke up last year. i would never say that i love him, since he was just the one that i placed all my anxiety, my regret, my nostalgia and my excitement onto. And his girlfriend, or the fact that he doesn't love me really bothered me. For this time, it is the fear that my little boyfriend was possessed by someone else and they had built such intimate bond that hurt me. I want me myself to be the one that he cares most, and i would be deeply afraid if it were not so.

i'm quite tired, and i know myself have to begin to work, so i just stop here.